Hammers 1s v Chiswick

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The Hammers came into the big local derby against Chiswick at Fortress Hurlingham having beaten them home and away last year and were keen to continue this trend on Saturday afternoon. Coming off the back of a good away win at Enfield, spirits were high in what is shaping up to be an evenly contested, yet unpredictable division. The visitors had started their season well, and with a newly installed 3G pitch at their home ground, had beaten Harpenden comfortably, a week earlier.
And it was the visitors who started the quicker of the two sides, having gained possession and quick ball, with their outside centre bursting through from 10 metres out to score the first points of the match, which were then converted.
After some questionable touch line “tweeting” from the away side, the Hammers hit back with a sublime move which sure the centre pairing of Chellew and Waldron combine to send Chellew crashing through under the sticks, with Doherty adding the extras. The experienced Fly half was also putting in a monumental shift in defence, arguably being the lightest man on the pitch. However, the visitors hit back again after some sustained pressure, and far too many turnovers conceded by the home side, with their winger running in their second, again converted.
Half time saw the visitors with a seven point lead, knowing they would be up against the wind and an invigorated Hammers side who were yet to hit third gear. And it was the home side, who hit back early, with a delicious cut out pass from Chellew which saw Gee burn his man on the outside and stride into the left hand corner to take the score to 14 points a piece, after a touch line conversion by the ever present Doherty.
Neither side managed to gain any sort of momentum with multiple penalties either way halting progress. But with 12 minutes to go, a failed touchline clearance landed in the hands of Panter who nudged the ball into the corner, before finding its way to Cale Holmes, who duly got himself on the scoresheet. A missed conversation left the score at 19-14 to the home side with 10 to play.
With the clock ticking, the visitors knocked a penalty into the corner and after a well organised catch and drive, and some pick and gos, Chiswick scored in the corner. A missed conversion left the scores at 19-19 with 5 to play. Suddenly, the Hammers were on the front foot again and pushing for that decisive final score. The referee then blew for a penalty for the home side, and a shot at the posts was decided after much deliberation. Up stepped David Panter, whose right boot had perhaps been trapped in the district lines closing doors, and the ball ended up becoming a “grass cutter”. And so the spoils were shared and a much anticipated return leg on Chiswicks new pitch awaits in 2019.
Man of the match: Simon “Chopper” Doherty
Dick of the Day: David “Lawnmower” Panter

Hammers 5s v Old Streetonians

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The third long journey to North East London of the fledgling season was upon the 5s having many question whether this is in fact a SW league. Old Street 3s were the opposition and despite having mixed results this season looked a sizeable bunch and had a big squad in comparison to the 5s bare bench.

The 5s started with characteristic intensity with Cusition recently back from injury dumping the kick off receiver in to touch. The resulting pass off clean line out ball was intercepted by what must have been Usain Bolt for the lack of offside call. Not the ideal first touch of the ball for debutant 9 Myles Green in a Hammers jersey but poor reffing was not going to stop him having a stellar first run out. Some solid support running from Mr. Whippy off a line break and a smart draw and pass to Drysdale opened the scoring. Drysdale was finally willing to run following a positive assessment of the turf.

Old Street had some big runners and although tackling wasn’t quite up to the standard of the season so far they were largely kept at bay and could rarely capitalise on momentum. Following the first couple of tries from the 5s Old Street had the ball for the next 15 minutes and were finally able to get on the scoreboard despite a clear hold up. This shocked all back in to sticking to the game plan and the rest of the half although competitive saw the 5s in control and in possession with a couple of good counter attacking tries particularly from debutant Wright breaking the 5s record for a single game with 5 tries.

The second half was a more free flowing affair with Old Street beginning to tire and seeing the game out of sight. A rare hooker hat-trick from Danby with some good support and loose ball gathering capped a solid contribution from the tight 5 with 100% line out and scrum retention and plenty of turned over ball. Off the solid set piece and breakdown the service and game management from new 9/10 partnership of Green and Duffy was outstanding.

Heavy legs began to take a toll on some of the more mobile 5s. Thomson can be forgiven after another outstanding game all round for taking it easy after sustaining a knock. However young Jack Mitchell after subbing himself at half time due to over indulging the previous night returned fresh to the pitch late in the second half to take the ball in support with 30m clear to the line. What followed can only be described as an engine breakdown and hard living catching up, the poor lad came to a stuttering crawl before throwing the ball away and having to live with the shame of having a far faster older brother. Some clear soul searching took place back in the changing rooms and on the social.

Overall a solid performance played in good spirits sees the 5s march on unbeaten in to a top of the table clash against Quins.

Tries: Wright x5, Drysdale x2, Mitchell Snr x2, Danby x3, Davies x1,

Cons: Danby x11

MoMs: Gauthier & Wright

DoD: Green

Hammers 1s v Enfield

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Hammersmith and Fulham continued their excellent away form this season with victory over a physical and hard working Enfield side.

Hammers started the game as they had the week previous, with quick ball and a strong attacking threat. Within the opening couple of minutes Ultan Bruton made an excellent break, running at a weak inside shoulder and breaking clear from 40m to score. This attacking threat and energy continued with Angus Lean scoring an excellent solo try just minutes later, beating several Enfield defenders with a weaving run towards the posts. Si Doherty converted and a 12-0 lead was established.

Enfield however demonstrated why they are team to fear this season with some strong running and excellent tackling to place Hammersmith under pressure. With Hammers giving away penalties and Enfield establishing a foot hold in the game they soon scored. A strong rolling maul and a good finish from their forwards put them back in the game, the try was duly coveted and the score stood at 12-7.

As the first half progressed both teams played some solid rugby with Cillian Waldron and Jack Hooper working hard in the centres in both attack and defence. In addition, Rob Johnstone and Phil Lord illustrated some excellent work around the ruck to steal possession and alleviate periods of Enfield pressure.

As the first half neared it’s end Si Doherty converted a good penalty to give the Hammers some breathing space. Moments later an excellent box kick from Sam Sheppard placed the Enfield back three under pressure, this led to Hammersmith regaining possession. With a strong scrum and some excellent hands Ed James put Huw Bowen in to score in the corner.

Half time score 18-7.

Enfield started the second half strongly, some excellent running lines and numerous off loads out of the tackle placed the away side under pressure. This pressure eventually told with Enfield breaking the Hammers resistance and scoring. Some excellent goal kicking from the Enfield fly half meant the home side were always in touch.

As the second half progressed Hammers needed a moment of brilliance to extend their slender lead. Once more, a brilliant platform from the forwards and some excellent offloads out of the tackle gave Hammers good field position, this would lead to Jack Hooper scoring a brilliant try out on the left.

Enfield however demonstrated why they are a strong and resilient side this season, coming right back at Hammersmith. Wave after wave of yellow and blue shirts pounded the Hammers defence, only to be matched by some outstanding defence, with two try’s held up over the line. Enfield however were not deterred and finally broke down the Hammers defence to score deep in the corner with less than 10 minutes remaining.

With just 3 points separating the sides the game would be won by the team that could hold their nerve. As Enfield elected to chip over the top and relinquish possession, Huw Bowen retrieved the ball, kicking deep into the corner, this placed the Enfield winger under pressure, and consequently Hammers regained possession just 5m out from the line. An accurate line out and and superb rolling maul from the Hammers forwards resulted in Tim Murray scoring and putting Hammersmith 8 points ahead with just 90 seconds on the clock. This time would prove to be too short for Enfield with Hammersmith running down the clock and taking the victory.

Credit should go to both Enfield and Hammersmith for what was an excellent game of rugby in all forms. It is evident both sides have made big strides over the summer months and will look to improve upon their league positions from last year.

Dunseath says, “It was the win we came for. We worked hard on certain key areas of defence the last few weeks and despite allowing them in for two driving mauls they couldn’t get through or round us for 72mins.
I’m incredibly proud of the players, who showed significant determination, guts and character. It’s especially pleasing with their game management. We spoke about “moments” in the game that all add up, mid week. Seeing the players problem solve and realise they didn’t need the ball in the last 10mins was an outstanding display of maturity.”

Enfield 22 Hammersmith and Fulham 30

Hammers 1s v Harpenden – Match Report

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A very cold and wet day at Hurlingham Park as Hammers 1st XV took on Harpenden. Both teams have enjoyed strong starts to the season with the hosts unbeaten and keen to exercise some demons from last season’s home game which saw the visitors come away with 20-55 victory.
 
Harpenden arrived at Hurlingham Park late, but the logistical issues they had didn’t show and they started the much brighter team. With a tight head the size of a small SUV they put the Hammers scrum under a lot of pressure. The conditions weren’t suited to Hammers style of running with ball in hand and so Hammers resorted to kicking for territory, however the kick chase was disjointed and offered the Harpenden back three too much space run into. The scramble defence couldn’t stop Harpenden scoring their first try. Hammers then conceded too many penalties in a row and the situation worsened when the referee marched under the post for a penalty try.
 
Eventually, when Harpenden’s SUV ran out of gas and was hauled a–shore, the Hammers scrum was able to stabilize and even got the better of Harpenden on a few occasions. The Hammers started to get a grip in the match and go through the phases, Magnus Barber wearing a vintage rugby Jersey from Ed Clark hay–days of the 00’s, was pivotal put in a a big shift with strong carries. This allowed the Hammers to get back in to the match and assert some pressure on the opposition.
 
With the Harpenden defence keeping the Hammers at bay, Hammers had to come with other ways around it, an ambitious cross field chip from Gary–Barlow–come–Fly–Half–Alex–Warner landed in Huw ‘Big Red’ hands and off he went on a meandering run evading tackles like old Captain Rich Horsley evaded rounds. As he dove for the line, the Harpenden covering tackle figured the only way to stop him was by trying to remove is head. Something the ref with a keen eye on Sunday mornings UFC fight had no issues with.
 
With the Hammers now camped inside the Harpenden half, they went to work building pressure. Eventually a crack appeared and Hamish ‘little red’ was able to find a gap and coast through to score for Hammers. However Little red turned from hero to villain when he tried to provide a wonder assist by chipping the ball over the top to prop-come- winger Alex Gee, the accuracy was severely lacking and had the local council approved Terry’s visions to build a stadium the ball would have surely ended up in Row Z.
 
In to the second half Hammers continued to find their gears and started to get put Harpenden under more pressure. With longer periods of possession than the first half, there was a sense that the Hammers had shaken off their slow start and would now begin to take a foot hold in the match. However owing to the bad conditions, Hammers in accuracy and high penalty count cost them dearly and allowed Harpenden off the hook.
 
James Darrall (failed backrow) was able to stifle Harpenden’s attack with some strong chop tackles in defence which kept Hammers in the game. He continued these displays off the pitch as well, as later that night he was able to chop not one but two larger women.
 
Another driving maul from Harpenden, allowed club captain Rogan ‘the Bogan’ an opportunity to launch vicious assault fellow team mate Ultan with a swift elbow to the head, in what one can only assume was premeditated attack in response for Ultan posting a photo in the clubs whatsapp group of two club members sharing an intimate moment.
 
Harpenden scored two further tries in the closing 10 minutes which gave the score line some extra spice in their favour, however in truth it was their strong start to the game and the Hammers poor decision making that won it for them. The final score was 10-36 to the visitors which in the end it was a disappointing result for the host who have ambitions of push towards the summit of the table. 
 
The Hammers 1st XV next game will be a cup match against Southwold, where they will be looking to put their first loss of the season behind them and get back to winning ways. 

Hammers 2 v Hampstead – Match Report

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The first major test for the H&F 2XV came in the form of Hampstead 2XV travelling down to hurlingham park on a wet Saturday afternoon. Both had started the season in fine form winning all their games with bonus point victories…… this was going to be a bruiser!

The Hammers 2XV were already weakened with the news of a new coach and a new captain, resembling an act of dumb and dumber in James “not sure if you know I’m injured” Cramp and Taylor “limited vocabulary” Williams. The preparation started poorly with the new coach realising none of the squad had listened to his request of picking the kit up from Mcgettigans, and with the help of Slade “pretentious” Buchner the uber bills began to rack up on the one-legged coach.

The warm up was slick and effective with Angus “Jonny May” Lean and Tim “Vunipola” Macnaughton getting the troops going.  Ed “Grandad” Clark was getting the backs fired up, rumour has it he is now the 3rd best 9 at the club…. Not the best way to treat your elders.

The game kicked off and Hammers had started very well, utilising the structures that have been put in place this season, the scrum setting a good platform for our talented backs to run from. Sustained pressure led to a successful penalty kick from Jack “not quite Wilkinson” Davies.

Shortly after this there was a horrific injury to the Hampstead centre who had already made some very good inroads to our half. Our thoughts and best wishes are with the Hampstead player in his recovery from this injury!

This understandably spurred Hampstead on, and they were fighting well for their friend, displaying some very abrasive and constructive rugby. They took a 10-3 lead at half time.

Words of wisdom were flying around at half time, with a lot of the experienced players chipping in with the systems we should be doing, the main one being the forwards needing to dominate the contact area and rucks. Nick “also loves a golf cart” Powell getting riled and putting the frighteners up the boys, nobody wanted to see him on the Fulham palace road in a golf buggy.

The second half started, and Hammers began to control the game, utilising the structures well again and beginning to spread the ball through the hands which was impressive in difficult conditions. 10 minutes into the second half and 4 changes were made, with Rhys “Statham” Williams, Dom “Peel” Woodfine, Ed “I’m a 10 not a 15” James and Slade “pretentious” Buchner entering the fray and making big impacts.

The first big of magic of the day from Casey “strictly come dancing” Dennis, made some space out of nothing and fed Lean for the Hammers first try of the day. Not long after this Dennis made another fantastic break, which had the fans on the side-line holding up the 10 signs for his showstopping footwork, another try, and the hammers were 15-10 to the good.

Hampstead rallied, they decided to tighten up and really take the fight to us, resulting in a Chad “3 birds fighting over me” Buchner receiving the sin bin, luckily none of these girls were waiting for him…. Hampstead then scored from the resulting line out, with their kicker nailing a difficult conversion.

17-15 with 3 minutes to play! The Hammers kicked the ball well at the kick off and won a very effective turnover within the Hampstead half. The kick was tough, but one which would win us the game. Did Davies, who had missed pretty much everything all day, have it in him to make the kick…… of course he did, backing himself and producing a superb match winning kick! The sideline was going crazy with the 10s raised once again, Dennis ears had pricked noticing this, but unfortunately this wasn’t for him.

The match finished with a hard thought win for the Hammers 2XV, a first competitive win for Williams as captain and Cramp as coach! The boys were coming down the tunnel with a lot of energy and joy, even Grandad Clark managed a DAB! A fantastic way to end the game.

Again, we wish the Hampstead player who suffered the injury all the best in his recovery and look forward to facing them again later in the season.

MOM – Casey Dennis

DOTD – Chad Buchner

Debuts – Alex Peers, Chris Appleyard, Ed James

Hammers 3s v Millfield Old Boys Badgers

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Having lost their first two Middlesex 1 league games Hammers 3rd XV hosted local South West London rivals the Millfield Old Boys Badgers, at Fortress Hurlingham, on a warm 29th September afternoon.

 

Benefiting from a compliment of newly selected Hammers, blended with many of the 3XV old guard, on paper Hammers posted a strong XV.

 

Following a solid warm up Hammers took control of the game early, having the vast majority of the initial territory and possession. Hammers intent to play was obvious form the outset with ball being spun wide and wingers Huw Bowen and George Lawson both getting involved in the early action.

 

Early in the first half stalwart Huw Bowen showed his top-class finishing skills from the half way line, rounding several Badgers on his way to dot down under the sticks. The points were added by newbie Scrum half Harry Roe who displayed confidence from the boot all afternoon in what became a high scoring local derby.

 

After a further attritional battle, with big forward carries being made by Tim Chandler, Chris Appleyard and James ‘Seamus’ Heaney the Hammers lead was added to by no8 Damo ‘Thomas Waldrom’ who carried hard to dot down over the line.

 

However, the Badgers didn’t come to Hurlingham just for the glorious Fulham sunshine and showed their dogged determination and grit to fight back mid first half, taking back possession, building strong phases and working hard to cross the line twice in close succession.

 

Hammers retaliated with great skill being shown by the youthful Oli Scholes who dotted down to help re-build the hammers lead however, Bagders again played their one-up game plan and built phases to score in the second period of the first half.

 

After a further period of phase play and strong forward carries from Oli Mitchel, Bertie Weston Davies, and veteran Simon Khalil Hammers speedo wearing skipper Will Parker, showed grit to get over the line and further build the lead for Hammers before half time.

 

Badgers started the second half strongly dominating possession and territory, leading to two early tries which pushed them into the lead with Hammers heads starting to drop. Close games such as these often test one’s character, with Huw Bowen stepping up to show character in abundance and score two further top-class long-range tries, putting hammers back in front.

 

Mid second half Hammers coach Dan de Wolf chose to make changes and bring on veteran scrum half Dave Buchanan, speedster Jack Hooper, the athletic Benji Reid and the new streamlined Abe Knight, demanding an immediate impact from the bench. Dan’s decision was rewarded by Jack Hooper connecting well with Oli Scholes, who both showing their ‘Dunseath coached’ in contact offloading skills to get the ball into the hands of Dave Buchanan who rounded his defender and turned back his years to finish a 50-metre run in under close chase.

 

Huw Bowen again added to the points tally showing his top-class finishing skills to score his 4th try and earn himself a man of the match performance. Hammers were now well ahead however, the ever-dogged Badgers played with heart and in good spirit, clawing one try back ahead of the final whistle.

 

Overall this was a close fought contest with Hammers just edging in front to take the victory with the final score being 46-38!

Hammers 1s v Hemel Hempstead

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A cold and blustery day at Hurlingham Park saw Hammers 1st XV play Hemel Hemstead in their first home game of the season. This was an eagerly anticipated fixture as encounters between these two sides are typically high scoring. Sadly, the conditions did not lend themselves to free-flowing rugby with over 20 scrums and 20 lineouts featuring throughout the game but that did not make the game any less entertaining.
Much of the pre-game build up was focused on the size of the Hemel pack, prompting coach Liam to remind the team that organisation, connection, line speed beating size every day of the week. This rang true as Hammers new loosehead prop and converted backrower – Rob Johnstone – laid down an early marker with his first hit of the game knocking back the Hemel number eight. Fellow newbie, prop and frustrated back – Phil Lord – offered words of encouragement as only a kiwi can – “shot aye cuz”.
Hammers new 13 – Dave Panter – was marshalling the backs well in defence and it was his in attack that lead to Hammers first try of the game. “Irish Dave”, put in a well weighted kick to the Hemel five metre line, at the resulting line the ball was spilled and Hammers number eight “Helium Tim”, carried two Hemel players over the line with him for the first try of the game. Without any regular goal kickers in the team our veteran fly half – Si Doherty – dusted off his sand wedge… and then his boots but sadly could not covert the try. After a period of sustained pressure in the Hammers 22, Hemel were awarded a penalty which they duly slotted, 5-3 to Hammers.
It takes something special to make it to the top and be a non-goal kicking fly-half – think Carlos Spencer, Stephen Larkham… and Si Doherty, and it was the former Old Silhillians man that defied all odds when he stepped forward and slotted a penalty on the 15th minute, putting Hammers two scores ahead. Hammers struggled to get their threatening outside backs into the game, this was not helped by Level 7’s answer to Taqele Naiyaravoro – Alex Gee – overrunning a strike play and knocking the ball on. Blindside flanker – Ultan Bruton – began to assert himself on the game, making a number of dominant carries and showing great work rate in defence in what was a slog of the halfway line between the two packs.
With 10 minutes to go before the halftime whistle, Hemel Hemstead made the most of their dominant lineout and heavier pack as they began to get up a head of steam in a driving maul. That was until their looshead prop broke away, running into frustrated flanker come hooker – James Darrall – who managed to dislodge the ball in the tackle. Hammers worked the ball to the ever-elusive James “JLo” Lo who in a trademark run managed to wriggle his way out of several tackle attempts before darting down the left wing and dotting down in the corner. Doherty missed the conversion, 13-3 to Hammers.
The following kick off saw Hammers gather the ball and after several phases work their way back into the Hemel 22. Sarries Salesman and Shaun Perry doppelganger – Ed Clark – identified space on the left-hand side, passing it the ball to Darrall who in an effort to emulate Danny “Golden Wrists” Cipriani threw a miss two to JLo on the left wing. The ball flew like a one-winged pigeon to the winger who put a deft chip in before being dragged down without the ball resulting in a penalty try to Hammers. 20-3 to Hammers.
Just after halftime, Hammers looked to continue where they left off with Darrall cutting through the Hemel defence unopposed. Darrall’s housemate and joint man of the match, Ultan, looked to link up with the hooker calling for a grubber kick through but instead received an offload to the face – resulting in a bloody nose. Clarky kicked a box kick out on the full and Rogan conceded a few penalties before on the 50th minute Hemel scored from a driving maul.
On the 65th minute, more indiscipline from the Hammers bench saw replacement scrumhalf and Belfast’s version of American Psycho – Dave Buchanan – sinbinned for a deliberate knock-on and Hemel were awarded a penalty try. With one minute to go and the game potentially going either way, Si Doherty stepped forward once more and slotted a penalty bringing the score to 23-15 with one minute to go.
Hammers fullback Taylor “Tay Tay” Williams fielded the following kick off and instead of kicking the ball out to end the game, he tried his best to give Hemel a losing bonus point. The Owen Wilson lookalike opted to run the ball but was thankfully knocked into touch. Aside from that and kicking the ball out on the full, Williams had a solid game on his return to the 1st XV making several last-ditch tackles and organising the defence from the back. That is despite being out until the early hours of the morning preparing himself for the club’s annual pub golf that followed the game. All in all it was a gutsy performance from the boys in red, white and blue who thoroughly deserved their first league victory of the season.

Hammers 5 v Hackney

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A sunny day and cross country commute to Hackney ushered in the start of the new season for the 5s. Plans for an early meet to dust off some of the summer indulgences and remind ourselves of moves were largely scuppered by underestimated travel times and equipment issues but some practice of Rhino ball was squeezed in overseen by coach Silcock.
 
Hackney certainly came out of the gates quicker and had the us pinned in their 22 for the opening 10 minutes of the game which seemed to come almost as much of a surprise to them as it did us. Some solid defence and discipline managed to keep them out. Scrappy play from both teams in the midfield followed with a first serious foray into the Hackney half leading to a solid team try going through many hands on the counter before a silky offload from resident angry 9 Crog Duffy led to young Jack Mitchell crossing the line and scoring the 5s first try of the season for the third year running (early try scoring promise often overshadowed by a mid-late season drought).
 
The 5s slowly started to click in to gear as the game progressed with well worked trys coming from Felix Whitechapel (showing his trip to the 7s world cup over the summer had only enhanced his love for a rangey run) and Leon Gillespie powering over the line from 10 after sustained pressure. Hackney put forward a physical challenge but the strain was beginning to show. The 5s looked set to go in to the half three tries up however some confusion under a kick between the back 3 led to a comical try for Hackney to end the half.
 
Some fresh legs at half time and a reminder that Rhino ball was not the only move in the locker led to a blistering start to the second half with two full team trys coming in short order. The first having Tomos Edwards forget he is a second row and combine a show and go, step and fend to beat half the opposition back line and create some space before switching with Michele Bongiorni to create a try of the season contender. The second a well worked backs move off a set piece leading to pitch inspector Jamie Drysdale going under the posts despite the hard ground. The game became a little scrappy from there with fatigue setting in and a secure result however the backs looked dangerous throughout leading to Paul Davies rolling back the years and bursting through the middle for a first try since the closure of The Larrik. The game was closed out with a further couple of tries and Hackney were kept scoreless thanks to a try saving tackle from Ed Spooner. Points were left on the board through kicker Stephen Danby showing pin point accuracy and hitting the post on 3 occasions which he took with characteristic good humour and grace…. A decent game all round with a dominant set piece (100% line out retention) and the backs looking dangerous but plenty to work on for next week against perennial challengers Belsize Park.
 
Final score 48-7 a good start to the season with some sore bodies and heads on Sunday morning.
 
MoM – Tomos Edwards & Michele BongiornI
DoD – Paul Davies (ending try drought)
Trys – Mitchell J, R., Mitchell J, A., BongiornI, Davies, Whitechapel, Drysdale, Gillespie, Edwards 

Hammers 2 v Hackney – Match Report

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And So…… after huge amounts of sustained pressure, lobbying, and Supa 5s contests at Hammersmith Town Hall, Hammersmith and Fulham Council realised that they in fact loved having heavily blazer clad Jack Whitehall wannabees on their side-lines and it was time for Hammers to run out for the first time this season at Fortress Hurlingham. Fortunately, the fixture gods had been in kind and the visitors for the first 2s league game were in fact Hackney following the clubs’ respective first teams drawing in East London the previous week. This was excellent news for the Hackney Lads as one had heard that they too loved the Blazer Bantaaaarrr and were only too keen to get down to share tales of tour medals and chundaaaarr on the side-line.
 
Unfortunately, the only blazer spotted by the author was not one of the Hammers variety and worn by a man resembling a young Gerard Depardieu than the League of Their Own resident comic that so many of the Hammers have idolised over the years. That said, the man in question was heard to be propositioning a lady outside Maremoto at 3AM the following morning with the promise of Cheese and Wine at his Fulham flat should she wish to return with him. She wasn’t hungry.
 
And so, Hammers got the game underway with the words of stand-in skipper McClean ringing in their ears…… ‘They’ve not come down here to mess about boys and they’re not just going to roll over!’
 
What followed was a spectacle of free flowing rugby, some say the likes of which Hurlingham has not seen since the days of an Alleyne/Walters halfback combination, and telegrams. Hammers looked to get into shape quickly, similar to many boys after their initial Bronco tests, and began going to work on making inroads into the Hackney defence. There was a lot of hard yakka for the Hammers early doors but eventually pressure told with Huw Bowen going over on the right win in the first minute. Warner converted and then the floodgates opened.
 
A first half followed where Hammers continued to run in tries from everywhere, much to the dismay of the Home Crowd, and so Bomdhat, Basher and Del had a nap, and Billy Rylance continued drinking. 7 more tries followed from all over the park scored with Warner, Gee, Panter (2), Murray and Goldberg (2) all going over, Warner converted 6 of them to make the score 52-0 at the break.
 
At half time the mood was buoyant, but with some of the lads looking like they’d run 4 broncos in the blistering SW6 sun, changes were made in order for Hammers to keep up the pace after the break.
 
This they did, and the boys were quickly into their stride in the 2nd period. Straight off the bench, Jordon Abbot crossed first following a superb pop off the floor by teacher’s pet McClean. Rumours are he celebrated later that weekend with a marathon 4 hour Sunday session of the popular children’s game ‘Bop-it’. We look forward to seeing the fruits of his labour once more in training this week.
 
More changes were rung and James Darrall came on…. gave away a pen….. protested his innocence and was marched 10 meters. Impact.
 
Fox crossed next, having cut a line just as he cut’s lads’ lunches, followed by 2nd tries for Gee and Bowen shortly after, before Shepppard, playing in his more suited position of full back, trundled in from the 40 metres. Panter, Bowen and Gee all then completed hat-tricks. I think it would be fair to say that with the line at his mercy for his third Alex Gee had at least 29 other blokes on the pitch trying to tackle him yet persistence prevailed. Word is he was later overheard in the Durrell stating ‘Hammers…..completed it mate’ #stayhumble
 
Coach Dunseath entered the field of play to ring some changes in the back line. He was still on the field of play when the ball was launched into the air from the Hackney restart, but scampered off with a rabbit in headlights urgency, just as the ball was collected by the hammers pack. Fox to 10, Warner to 11 and another change somewhere else….. maybe. It seemed to work which is a testament to the amount of work the lads have put in in pre-season from a chaos point of view. Or it might have been that Hackney a lot of points down.
 
Alex Warner collected his 2nd off a well worked move from the back of a scrum and a perfectly timed, sumptuous pass into his path from whomever had the ball prior to him. Panter converted excellently from the side-line as Warner handed over the kicking duties….. might be a while before he gets them back.
 
There was still time for Jordon Abbott to be involved in possibly the most polite held up decision in Rugby History after he explained ‘he really wasn’t too fussed’ in a fairly patronising matter of fact way. This was not taken lightly by Skips and was punished accordingly later in the afternoon, however it was on this note that the final whistle blew, the Three Stoodges awoke and Hammers were victors with handsome points difference to start the campaign.
 
Final Score 115-0.
 
Credit where credit is due, Hackney at no point rolled over (to Josh’s delight) and kept playing right through to the end without deliberately turning the game into a scrap. Hammers can expect a much tough test later in the season when they travel to Springhill for the return leg.
 
A good day’s work from Hammers overall, and although the game was one sided, the boys stuck true to structure and pattern throughout and got some good metres under the belt. We look forward to a big week into a full programme of league games this weekend. Training no doubt will bring some hard graft and news of anyone who served any cheese and wine.
 
A great way to start the ball rolling at Hurlingham this season and a ‘Great Day to be a Hammer!’.
 
2nd XV Vs Hackney
 
  1. Rob Johnston
  2. Phil Lord
  3. Joe Darwood
  4. Zander Stephen
  5. Josh McLean ©
  6. Ultan Bruton
  7. Ash Mitchell
  8. Tim Murray
  9. Dave Buchanan
  10. Alex Warner
  11. Alex Gee
  12. Rob Fox
  13. Dave Panter
  14. Huw Bowen
  15. Jack Goldberg
  1. James Darrall
  2. Tim Williams
  3. Jordan Abbott
  4. Ed Clark
  5. Sam Sheppard
 
Scorers:
 
Tries: Bowen x 3, Warner x 2, Gee x 3, Panter x 3, Murray, Goldberg x 3, Abbott, Fox, Sheppard
Cons: Warner x 14, Panter x 1
 
Motm: Zander Stephen
Tin Man: Jordan Abbott

TRAINING UPDATE – WEEK COMMENCING 10th SEPTEMBER

/in ,

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