Captain’s Log: Star date 12.10.24. The Hammersmith Enterprise has discovered a new club deep in Womble territory. Backline resources are as thin as Harry Scarr’s hair. First impressions are of a sloped landscape and temperamental weather system. Lieutenant Marshall has already proposed we hold out for firmer ground. We dragged Rogan out of his party in the holodeck, set our phasers to kill, beamed down and took to the field.

With what would soon become a recurring theme for the day, the kick off was dropped by the opposition and the first scrum was called. About 3 seconds later we packed down for our second. This time, with a drive as wonky as Rogan’s stomach was feeling, we conceded a penalty. Wimbledon booted it up the park and we were defending our first lineout. Some aggressive line speed and great tackling forced yet another knock on…. A great clearance saw us back deep into the Wimbledon 22, where they opted to throw a forward pass. A few phases later saw us awarded a penalty for offside and a kick at goal was selected. Unfortunately their deflector shields were up and the ball bounced off the upright.

A little rally of kick tennis gave us our first attacking lineout, unsurprisingly ending with another scrum in midfield. A little later an attempted clearance went out on the full and we were defending a lineout just outside our own 22. With the fearsome Wombleonian reputation for set piece, the order was to divert all power to the shields. The plan worked and we eventually forced a turnover and cleared the lines, only for them to set straight back to returning fire. A not releasing penalty put them back in the corner on our 5m. Those shields held out however, forcing a goal line drop out. Yet still the attack persisted. Security Officer Marcus McNeil was having none of it and led the line who all fearlessly repelled the enemy. Unfortunately the Galactic Council appointed referee had spotted another infringement and brought it back for Wimbledon to once again stick it in the corner. This time a quick peel from the maul found the smallest of gaps in our defences and a try was awarded. No conversion so it was left at 5-0 on the 20 minute mark.

This time the kick off was collected and after dropping the return kick, we gave Wimbledon a scrum on the halfway. An early engage gave away a free kick and thus began a long period of more defence. Through pure dog we drove the line backwards and eventually forced a kick. After finally getting the clearance away, it was a Wimbledon lineout on the 22. Another gap eventually appeared in the shields but we were let off by the slippery ball and had a scrum on our 5m; another chance to relieve the pressure. Not the most relief however as Wimbledon were back with another lineout on our 22. Some more stalwart defending and another scrum was forced. This time a proper clearance put play back into the Wimbledon half. The remaining 10 minutes saw yet more excellent defensive manoeuvres but never really getting a chance to turn on the offensive.

The second half saw Wimbledon launch a direct attack with an early turnover from the kick off. Some more solid defending forced a fumble and a great bounce off the winger’s leg gave us a lineout on halfway. Another weapons malfunction led to a Wimbledon scrum and ultimately resulted in a penalty. Wimbledon’s drive for the corner was again met with the steely shoulders of the defence and the line was cleared. A brief strafing run from our Ace Pilot Tim Russell ended when he was struck down fiercely by the opposition centre. We did however win a penalty at the ruck. Another penalty off the following play put us about 30m out with an attacking lineout. The ball was collected and the forwards took the maul formation. After diverting all power the thrusters, the pack started to shift and continued to accelerate! Aided by the massive combined weight of Dugdale and Weaver we managed to get the over that final meter and bag a well-earned try! Dan Hostetler eventually touching it down. The conversion followed to make it 5-7.

We recovered the ball easily from the kick off and went for the old up and under. A great chase saw now newly promoted, ‘Head of Security’, Marcus bring down the catcher. Unfortunately Wimbledon managed to get an offload away and launch a counterattack. They broke well into our backfield and looked like they were in. However, the tactical deployment of a Mark AA. Josh anti Womble missile saw them brought down just before the line. Alas, a couple of pick and go’s later they managed to breach the line once more. A missed conversion left it 10-7.

Wimbledon then turned on overdrive and started piling into every ruck, competing for every ball. This increased pressure eventually resulted in a Wimbledon lineout on our 22. Although competed fiercely, with our very own Cabin Boy Harry Scarr taking quite the knock and some time in sick bay, Wimbledon managed to find a small gap in the midfield defences. They went over for their third and an under the post conversion made it 17-7.

Straight back into the fray with a series of attacks, we won a penalty putting us in the Wimbledon half. A slight misfire at the lineout was compounded by another misfire at the next one. I must remember to conduct that performance review with Technical Officer Swaino. A brief time later, a pass to Chief Medical Officer Dr John was met head on head by the opposition prop. Fair to say the iron skull of Dr John came off on top, but in a tragic miscarriage of intergalactic law, the collision was ruled accidental and the game restarted with a scrum. Mere moments later Lieutenant Marshall was brutally decapitated by the enemy chieftain. Space justice is a fickle thing but this time a yellow card was given. Marshall left the field with great dignity after declaring his outburst at the decision didn’t count as he was clearly concussed. Another strong maul pushed hard into the corner before unleashing the backs who just couldn’t quite get over the line on the opposite side of the pitch. Must add 3 v 1 training to the backs’ to do list…..

A series of back and fro between attack and defence saw the ball spend a good 10 minutes between the two 10m lines. However, the penalty count was certainly in our favour as we found ourselves once again with a lineout on the Wimbledon 22. Another supercharged weapons spree charged the pack towards the line with Darts Expert Dan breaking away at the end to score his second try of the day. A missed conversion left it at 17-12.

The final 7 minutes was a masterclass in defensive prowess to keep Wimbledon out and deny them the bonus point. It was very frustrating to not get an opportunity to steal the game, but an absolute powerhouse of a performance from the crew and one very proud captain.

Next week we boldly go where no team has gone before; and attempt to steal a victory from London Welsh.

Our new government seems to be crumbling sooner than even the biggest cynic would have expected. Our dear leader “Free Gear Keir” may be longing for the return of the sausages, but the Hammers enjoyed their own returns this weekend, with club stalwarts Joel Caravan and Dr Steve John adorning the parallel pitch for the 2s and Jacob Poulton (3) returning to tighthead Prop for the 1s. He was joined by a number of debutants, including Yusuke Kaneko (10), Alejandro Lopez (16, prop) and Max Hyde (17, back row).

Every new government looks for some early wins. The Hammers were targeting this game to secure some valuable Level 5 points early in the season. However, much like taking £300 handouts from millionaire pensioners, this was to prove a tricky task.

Horsham struck first, far too easily, benefiting from the defensive easy shakes of a backline unfamiliar with each other – 1^st phase possession off the line-out and straight through the middle. The The Hammers calmed things somewhat and Ollie Weaver slotted a penalty, before Horsham went through the middle once again to make to 10-3.

At this point, whilst attacking fluidity was rare, the Hammers were able to get themselves back into the game through some solid defence, led by 26-tackle Marcus McNeill, and a dominant scrum. At the pressure built, the Hammers accepted freebies more valuable than £16k worth of clothes and a free box at The Arsenal and gobbled up two interceptions through Harry Boyd and Sam Seymour. A further penalty meant the Hammers walked in for their oranges 18-10 up, albeit not completely deservedly.

The second half was characterised by ill-discipline. Captain Tom Proctor (5) essentially sent himself to the bin after cynically stopping a quick tap, then Harry Scarr (8) followed it up by hitting a maul at a perpendicular angle. Horsham took advantage to slot a penalty and then convert some attacking pressure to go over to leave the scores at 18-20.

The Hammers showed plenty of spirit at this point, exemplified by exceptional ‘never-give-up’ corner flagging from Josh Norton (4) to stop a certain try. Building their way back into the game, an entry into the Horsham 22 led to Sam Seymour (18, back) burrowing over. However, Horsham had the final word. The Hammers’s penalty count gave them field position and they went over from short range, albeit with a strong hint of a knock-on, in the penultimate play of the game.

At the final whistle The Hammers were all as glum as Harry Scarr is normally. They knew they let a winnable game slip and will have to pick themselves up for the next challenge. Now… when is Keir going to publish that he once accepted a free tie from Terry?

Hammers came into the weekend on a positive note after a hard fought loss to Jersey where they put in an impressive performance against a tough side. Coming off 2 bad losses to Stags last season, redemption was on the minds of the players, but sadly this was not that kind of movie.  

Minute 1, starting tighthead- Ed Wynne – injured. Minute 5, starting hooker – Dan Hostetler – injured. Now because of…reasons, World Rugby laws state that if a team cannot contest a scrum, even due to injury, they must drop a player, despite teams only being allowed 3 subs…. So 15 v 14 for the remaining 75 minutes against a team that loves scoring tries in the backs…yeah…cool cool cool. 

What followed was a scrappy, error-filled first half from both sides.  The Hammers, a man down, failed to execute basic exits and put themselves under pressure, however Stags – despite all the advantage arising from an extra man – continually knocked on the ball and failed to execute their own basic maneuvers.  Despite their setback, our boys in red put up a decent resistance in the first half, trading early pens before Stags took advantage of some strong carries to score their first of the day.  followed after by a breakaway kick behind.  

HT 18 – 3 

Hammers started the second half strongly, knowing the next score would likely be decisive. With no benefit in having props on the field in scrum-less game, head coach Alain elected to have Harry Boyd return to the field and make his debut appearance at loose head! Strong carry after strong carry led the men in red within 10 metres of the Stags try line, only for the ball to be spilled. However, with the penalty advantage, a shot at the posts was called and the deficit reduced to 12 points from the boot of Max Dugdale (10).  18-6, and the boys had momentum. 

The first 20 minutes of the second half followed suit with a lot of Hammers possession, Josh A-A (6) and Ryan Powter (8) typically industrious on the ball (Ryan even continuing to expand his kicking game from pre-season!). The backs began to find some rhythm, but little-to-no reward gained with crucial handling errors and ill-discipline costing them dearly. Missed opportunities the boys would rue. 

Following a period of sustained pressure on their own line, Hammers managed to secure a penalty, only for this to be reversed due to some ‘over-enthusiastic celebrations’ which Scott van Berckel (7) insists was misinterpreted by the referee.  On reflection, this may have been the straw that broke the camels back, as the resulting penalty led to Stags first points of the second half, and ultimately broke the dam. 

The remaining time in the second half was unfortunately very one-sided for our men in red: Penalty, Lineout, try, repeat. When the dust settled, a final result of 49-6 may not have been a fair reflection of what was a truly competitive fixture and left the Hammers disheartened, having worked tirelessly for 65 minutes, only to see it slip away in the final quarter.  

Horsham at home up next and a chance to get back to winning ways. Expect a big response from the Hammers in front of a home crowd with (Hopefully..) a full compliment of players on the pitch! 

 

 

 

The classic cliché of a game of two halves, with the boys finally getting into gear in the second half sunshine. 

 A tough day out for the Hammers 3’s with a team of just 13 players showing up for the beginning of the contest, on a fantastic day for running rugby. A show a chivalry from the Grasshoppers boys coming over to play in the Hammers 10 and 13 jerseys so the game could begin continued with what was a rather one-sided game but played in the right spirit. 

The game started badly for the Hammers with possession lost just after receiving the kick off with a mixup between the Hammers 9 and the on-loan 10 leading to a kick through and a defensive lineout 5m out. A maul was called but the ball flew off the top to no one in particular which the opposition pounced on and scored. It went from bad to worse as recently returning Willy Brentnall dislocated his shoulder on the first run of his game and Hammers in need of yet another player from the oppo to keep the game going. The rest of the first half went in a similar fashion with the well organised and young Grasshoppers side putting together phases to score against a stretched defence and then pouncing on Hammers’ mistakes when they were trying to do the same. The half time score would’ve read a lot worse if it hadn’t been for a hard run from Jake Sopher to bash through the first line of defence before pacing around the full back to score his first of the day under the posts giving the lads a bit of hope that we could do some good stuff.  

The half time whistle allowed for some rehydration whilst Grasshoppers swapped some players around including their on-field captain jumping across to our side in a show of good sportsmanship that the Hammers’ captain would admittedly not have done so easily! The Hammers settled much better into their work and finally started pulling some phases together with big carries from the front five especially Man of the Match Alejandro Lopez, recently arrived from Spain full of sangria and vitamin D from actually having a summer. A few penalties to the Hammers led to a lineout in the oppo 22 and after a great maul setup, the boys got real close to the line before a number of hard pick and goes led to the Spaniard crossing over for his maiden try for the club. Roars all round and a new sense of hope that the boys in red could get something from the game. The second half ebbed and flowed from there with lots of running rugby and loose turnovers letting both sides into the game. A second try from Jake Sopher stopped the momentum drifting away from the lads before a couple of injuries meant 5 Grasshoppers were playing against their own men before an Oscar Newcombe consolation try made the final score of 58-24 look far more palatable. 

A lot of positives to be taken away from the game with the lads sticking in the fight until the end as well as an outstanding defensive effort at 15 from James Spice in his first game back in 8 years, and a great showing from the all the boys in the forwards playing a full 80 in the early autumn sunshine. Going into the half 36-7 down a lot of heads could have dropped but the lads were led by a captain’s performance from Rob McKeon carrying from the front before sustaining an unfortunate ankle injury on the 4G turf.  Tries from Jake Sopher x2, Alejandro Lopez and Oscar Newcombe, with 2 conversions from Tim Jones the scorers on the day. 

A game of two halves is a bit of an understatement. It was more a game of the first 20 minutes and the final 60.

Defensively the game started strong for the Hammers with great line speed and tackles being made. On attack, twenty minutes into the game things settled down and the team found their groove. Some great Rugby was played, but ultimately this was a team that hadn’t played together before, and errors let Teddington through at key times. The making of a good game was on however, with Hammers showing flashes of brilliance at key times.  Confident that they would gel in the second stanza, the boys nevertheless went into the half down 0-14.

In the halftime huddle, Ainsley delivered a positive speech to keep heads high. With the wind at our backs and running downhill in the second half, the Hammers came out swinging with a great run from Dan Whitaker. Sam Smith was able to convert the first try right in front of the posts to begin the comeback.

The momentum continued throughout the second half with the Hammers scoring two more great tries in the second half from Rob McKeon and Russell Wingfield. Sadly this wouldn’t be enough as Teddington was able to utilize a great kicking game and score 2 more tries in the second half. At the final whistle the comeback wasn’t to be, with a final score of 17-28.

Outside of a slow start and a few missed opportunities, it was a great team performance and an example of why you play preseason games to shake off some of the rust from the summer. With multiple charging runs, Dan Whitaker brought home man of the match honors for his great performance.