Game week 2 saw the Hammers face an old foe: Belsize Park – our bogey team. The posh boys of Regent’s Park, all soft hands, soft pitches, and even softer chat. Revenge was on the menu, and the boys rocked up hungry.

The setting? Regent’s Park. A deceptively pretty battlefield: lush grass, lined trees, and the faint whiff of oat milk lattes drifting from nearby picnic blankets. But beneath it all: bruises, heartbreak, and a long history of great battles.

Overhead, the skies were clear but as we took our positions, a dark cloud seemed to fall over the pitch… I muttered to myself, “A storm is coming.”

Without missing a beat, our 10, Sammy Smith, replied: “We are the storm.”

And we were off.

From the off, it was a battle of attrition. Collisions echoing round the park as bone clashed with bone, belly with belly, and the early rumblings of some god-awful Belsize chat began to creep in. But it was Belsize who struck first, A couple of 50/50 decisions that gave a glimpse of how the next 80 minutes might unfold. They crashed over hard and heavy to make it 5–0 to the home side.

Hammers found themselves 5–0 down after 10 minutes, déjà vu from Horsham last week creeping in…. Was this another wobble? Could the mighty Hammers turn it around? The heavy-duty forwards, built like tanks but surprisingly nimble for men who probably think “cardio” is a fancy cheese earned a string of penalties deep in Belsize territory. Eventually, the pressure told. Classic Belsize, resorting to some dirty tactics offside and high tackles galore led to a penalty try. The home side were lucky not to see yellow, but the Hammers weren’t done yet.

Belsize 5-7 Hammers

With the heavens holding off, it was time for Sammy Smith to wave his magic wand. A lineout in the middle of the park set the stage Queen shape looked like he was gearing up for a mighty punch up the middle, but it was just a clever ruse. The ball spun wide to the man writing this very report, aka the Welsh wizard in midfield. As the Belsize 13 shot out the line like a startled meerkat, a perfectly floated pass sailed over the
overenthusiastic outside centre. Dan Hindle then sliced through a gap, showing prolific pace and skill to outpace the fullback from 20 meters out, extending the Hammers’ lead with the try of the day.

The lads wearing 9–15 rolled the dice once more. With the ******** pack showing no mercy, we earned an attacking scrum five metres out, prime real estate for more carnage. A few thunderous carries later, Belsize strayed offside again, and with the advantage in his back pocket (alongside some miscellaneous items from the night before), up stepped our number 10: S. “Money” Smith.

Ghosting through the Belsize defence like a man chasing the last night bus, he looked certain to score, until the old legs betrayed him, caught just short of the line. But this wasn’t his first rodeo.

In true ******** fashion, S.Money pulled off a ridiculous flick out the back with his outside arm, straight into the grateful mitts of Dan Hindle, who dotted down for his second of the day. Champagne rugby. ********’ rugby. Same old same old really.

Despite some….. creative interpretations of the laws at ruck time, Belsize managed to commit a series of questionable acts on their way to the try line, ugly, but effective. They clawed one back just before the break, making it 12–19 to the Hammers at halftime. The second half hung in the balance for the opening 15 minutes, both sides trading blows with nothing in it until, to our dismay, Belsize levelled the game and then took the lead with back-to-back tries, swinging momentum their way.

But the fight never left the ********. That said, the rugby gods were clearly in a mischievous mood. A brief cameo of chaos came courtesy of a certain loosehead prop who shall remain nameless attempting a Johan Cruyff turn on our own five-metre line, only to stack it heroically into touch. From the resulting pressure, Belsize grabbed the final score of the day.

The ******** fought to the final whistle, chasing a losing and try bonus point with everything left in the tank. But the battle was lost. Battered and bruised, we stood bloodied but unbowed warriors who had given all on foreign soil.

As the dust settled over Regent’s Park, one truth lingered in the air like smoke from the trenches: this war is not over. The rematch looms in three weeks’ time and next time, we’re bringing the fight home.

Roll credits. Scene fades. Vengeance loading..

The sunny late summer skies of South West London greeted Hammersmith & Fulham 3rd XV to Hurlingham Park with a cheer, as they marched out to battle for the first time this season.

Great credit must go to the ground staff, who turned a baking midsummer sandpit into a luscious garden in a little over 4 weeks. Though they have our thanks, concerns have been raised of the financial position of the club, after it became apparent HFRFC can no longer afford a lawnmower.

More greenfield than barren wasteland? Yes. More jungle than lawn? Also yes. Perhaps we should all pay our subs…

Today’s opponents: London Wasps. Physical, experienced, and out for revenge after succumbing to a narrow, last-gasp defeat at Hammers last season.

Wasps started strongly. Kicking off into a stiff breeze, they kept the spirited and enthusiastic Hammers pinned back; the ball barely troubling the half-way line for the first 10 minutes.

Largely the Wasps attack was excellent, with Hammers winger Fergus Cassidy forced into an important early 1 on 1 tackle, and full-back Serhii Shostak resourcefully covering a dangerous kick through on the line,

The Wasps pack huffed and puffed, with multiple penalties kicked to the corner – only to be stifled by Red & White muscle. Tackles rained down on the insect men. A strong and experienced Hammers pack led from the front, buoyed by the long-awaited return to playing action of club stalwart Adam Stannard at seven, and The Anchor of Seb Money at tighthead.

Try? No! Held up – inside centre Sam Smith electing to find the field of play this time, with the goal-line drop-out that followed (see attempt #1 in highlights for “how far can a man kick a ball illegally into touch”).

Eventually the Black & Gold wanna-bees broke through from short range.

0-5 Wasps.

James McKendry, fly-half and eventual MOTM on debut, stuck a beautiful kick up in the swirling breeze and Hammers put their foot to the floor. The 2025/26 season was about to kick off.

McKendry, Smith, and Jones marshalled and manhandled their opponents in the midfield, combining with Hammers jackal threats Harry Stratford (6) and Rob Harris (8) to chop boys down and turn them over.

Length of the field breaks, neat interplay, structured, well-supported, hard line runners off reliable Rochette at 9 and magic McKendry at 10, led to two tries in quick succession (Smith ghosting through two lazy runners; loosehead Farrer bundling through four of them).

14-5 Hammers.

Mighty, meaty Wasps could not handle the pace of play.

Hold on, it’s another! That’s three in 5 minutes! Hammers forwards set (another) beautiful platform off a scrum in their own 22, and the backs run a set play.

A looping McKendry finds Tim Jones at 13, who gallops 50 yards downfield before cutting in on the last man. The pass over the top is perfect – no! – it’s slapped back by Wasps – but yes! – it’s gathered by Smith for his second, he’s under the posts…

But wait – what’s this?

The ref has called play back for a penalty for… Hammers? A slap down by Wasps? A backwards slap down by Wasps? Is that a rule? And Smith went on to score?

Bizarre, and nonsensical. And surely – if correct – a yellow and a penalty try to go with it? A scandalous decision.

Hammers turn down the 3 points again and again, electing to keep Wasps penned in their half against the wind. A failing Hammers lineout was the only thing keeping Wasps in the game, but as half time is called, Wasps turnover and break the length of the field…

Half-time: 14-12.

Hammers, disappointed not to be up by more, started the second half strongly.

Immediate dominance daw them score again through stand-in Captain ‘Kim Jong’ Hennigan, who heralded the start of a new era under “his regime” (one apparently characterised by less talky talky, more drinky drinky).

Jones once again added the extras to make a mockery of the treacherous kicking conditions.

21-12 Hammers.

Unfortunately for Hammers, a dominant spell downwind from the visitors led to 20 unanswered second half points being chalked up, leaving the Fulham lads 11 adrift as they shook themselves off under the posts.

A series of weak tackles and 2-3 minutes of undercommitted defence around the breakdown will be the most obvious area for the boys in red to work on in the week (lineout notwithstanding). But take nothing away from the athleticism, anticipation and hot stepping of the Wasps danger men to notch up the impressive scores out wide.

21-32, advantage Wasps.

Facing a two-score deficit (aided by Smith charging down a conversion from the hapless Wasps kicker) and angry at themselves for the first time that day, Hammers roared back into life.

A lightning break from the ever-indomitable ball-carrying threat, Jake Sopher – his third break of the game – led to Smith looking for all money as though he was walking over the line…

But no! He’s pulled back cynically from a retreating runner! Surely this time it’s a penalty try and a yellow card?

Penalty only.

It later transpired, over a beer in the Temperance, that this referee is lactose intolerant – hence his allergic aversion to brandishing the cheddar. To be fair to the man, there was no other explanation.

No matter; up steps Farrer for his second of the day, and Hammers moved within 4 points.

28-32. Three minutes to go.

Hammers gather and try to play up the pitch, but are caught in possession! The final whistle goes as Wasps’ full-back, the MOTM, dots it down under the sticks for a closing score.

The Wasps kicker finally gets a conversion but the ref decides not to give it – presumably to teach him a lesson for being so consistently awful that day – leaving Wasps to run out 9-point winners, handing Hammers a second losing bonus point in the process.

Final score Hammersmith & Fulham 3rd XV 28 – 37 London Wasps.

A great game, played in an excellent spirit against a worthy adversary. Wasps, we’re coming for you next time out.