It was round 2 of the Middlesex Vets League and The Sledgehammers reconvened with the intention of securing their first win. It isn’t every day that you face a club with two Heineken Cups to their name and the Wasps clubhouse was a shrine to the days when they were a true powerhouse. Dallaglio, Andrew, Vickery, Probyn, Worsley et al glowered down from the photoframes. But Hammers’ history was being represented on the pitch, with a multi-generation squad that spanned those born in the early ‘90s to those who made their debuts in the early ‘90s.

Captain Ade Furniss spelled out the strategy from the start – get the ball out wide and let the quick lads do their thing. The three-quarter line licked their lips in anticipation. Some of the forwards wondered when they last, if ever, had been described as ‘mobile’?

The game started with a cheeky short kick-off. Wasps won it but Hammers counter-rucked hard. The ball went loose, Hammers regained and went wide immediately. It was fast, it was frantic. Your correspondent was advised from the touchline that 30 seconds in is a bit early to be walking between rucks.

Ed Clark giving direction at half-time, while Tom Hayes realises he should’ve had a salad for lunch.

Efficient ambition paid off in the first twenty minutes. Quick rucks meant Ed Clark was whipping it away early. Si Doherty marshalled his forward runners around him. Sean Richardson’s steady distribution caught the eye of the Middlesex County Super-Vets selectors. The speedsters started to find gaps as James Lo and Chris Reilly pulled defenders left and right. The gaps were there to be exploited and Tony B glided through them and over the tryline twice without a Wasps fingerprint on him. The boys were on the board!

The challenge well and truly laid-down, Wasps needed to respond. And that they did through some direct running and effective kicking. They reduced the deficit with a well-worked lineout and a rolling maul that Hammers got under but couldn’t quite hold up. Fired up by this, their pack started a spell of effective recycling and battling for gainline supremacy against some strong Hammers’ defensive sets. Some of us realised with horror that no-one had told the ref that Vets halves are usually 35 minutes max. A lung-bursting multi-phase period ultimately ended with a pick-and-go that made it over the whitewash for their second try on the stroke of halftime.

Halftime: Wasps 14 – Hammers 12. It was a proper battle. Relief in the eyes of some men as subs were made, panic in the eyes of Tom Hayes as he realised that he was the only hooker available, so lucky he’s so fit…

The momentum swing in the yellow and black direction needed to be addressed. Mid-field phases saw the boys fight their way into the Wasps half, but stout defence frustrated their attempts to get through. Steve Harris – now on for Dohers at 10 – read the Wasps backfield and dropped a perfect kick that beat the Wasps winger and found it’s way to touch. The ball was won messily by Wasps but before they could too much ground to give their 10 space to kick to safety. Julian Draper swooped like a falcon on a fieldmouse to turn the ball over. Hammers’ went open then went blind, inching forwards each time. Larry Furniss took it on the charge but couldn’t quite get through. Another quick ruck and Steve Harris surged into the line and fired a cut-out pass to the unstoppable James Cramp to score/flopped over in the corner.

Riley and Ade post game and very happy with the result

The narrow lead wasn’t enough for comfort and the Hammers Bomb Squad started to flex it’s muscles. Rogan joined the rotation of props while 80-minute and man-of-the-match man Tommy Hayes provided the consistency. The trans-Atlantic scouting policy conducted by Cube paid dividends with big impacts from our American guest stars Norm and Travis. Another rapier thrust out wide by Will North had the defence backpedaling. Alex Stimpson scythed up the wide channel and ran the boys into the Wasps half. A few phases of attack down that channel made holes, and eventually Clarkey’s support play led to try number four and daylight between the sides.

Stings in the tail have to be expected when playing Wasps, but the later stages saw Hammers frustrate attempts at a second comeback. With Hugh Campbell at 8, and Dave Wickman in the engine room – also putting in a respectable 70-odd minutes – contributed to an increasingly dominant scrum. It was an arm wrestle that started to nudge in favour of red and white with driving mauls and good structure. The boys were finding their flair. Each of the nine Vets debutants made their mark as the clock edged towards the 80. There was time for one more score. Hugh Campbell popped a rib back into place, retook the field and definitely didn’t knock on in storming over for the fifth and final try.  Final score: Wasps 14 – Hammers 29

There were smiles all round at this first victory, the true highlight of which was seeing so many familiar faces back in the Hammers colours after the club’s hiatus from vets Rugby, ably supported by a sprinkling of of fresher faces. All looked forward to what’s to come.

It was a sunny November Saturday — calm, almost peaceful, despite the epic battle about to unfold.

Captained by Tom Hughes — perhaps the only Welshman currently associated with winning rugby — the Hammers 2nd XV took to the field for what was shaping up to be a brutal contest against Jersey’s travelling side.

From the outset, Hammers established dominance. The defensive line remained unbroken all game — not due to tactical excellence, but because everyone was too terrified of being decapitated by Andrew Camilleri at 15.

To their credit, Jersey fought well throughout, with several strong runners testing the line. But it wasn’t long before Anushan sliced through under the posts for the first try of the afternoon. From that moment, Jersey’s resistance began to fade.

On one kickoff, Nursey charged downfield, launched himself around eight feet into the air, and batted the ball backwards. The ball hit an oppositions hand and flew forward into the hands of Harry Tate, who strolled past shocked defenders to score. It was, by all accounts, an entirely planned and rehearsed move.

Nushy, the well deserved man of the man

Nursey later produced another memorable moment, running the full length of the pitch before deciding that grounding the ball under the posts was simply too much effort, despite the entire team’s encouragement to do so.

A strong carry from Hugo then left defenders scattered across the turf. He followed it up with a desperate offload, muttering a silent prayer as the ball left his hands. His prayer was answered by none other than prop/winger Valerio. Travelling just below terminal velocity, Valerio caught the ball one-handed, winked, and thundered through to score in the corner.

The final score came from a dominant Hammers scrum, which rumbled over the line with serious force.

Sensing what was to come, Jersey called the match five minutes early — reportedly to watch the 1sts game, but more likely out of fear of witnessing the full might of the ******* 2’s

Post-Match
Dick of the Day: Harry Tate, for scoring a try and being an Aussie.
Man of the Match: Anushan was awarded man of the match by the opposition for having the largest piece in English rugby – how they confirmed this remains a mystery…

On a brisk Saturday that smelt faintly of Deep Heat and impending carnage, the mighty Hammersmith 2nd XV (a.k.a. The ********) marched onto the field to face Richmond RFC — a side who clearly hadn’t read the script.

From the first whistle, it was clear who fancied it more. Richmond looked ready for a polite game of touch rugby; Hammersmith looked ready for war.

The Tries

First blood went to Samson, who thundered over the line after a series of forwards’ pick-and-goes that could’ve levelled small buildings. Next came Dylan, who decided the only thing better than scoring was inflicting psychological damage while doing it. His hit count alone could’ve been reported to the UN. Richmond’s second row are still somewhere in the Twickenham area, gently weeping into their scrum caps.
And then Anushan — silky as ever — glided through a gap so wide it’s now being used as a new bypass off the A316.

From the Boot

Geoff, the metronome of the backline, had his kicking boots firmly laced.

3 conversions curled through the uprights like poetry in motion.

2 out of 3 penalties slotted neatly — the miss, we’ll generously call “tactical.”

And just when Richmond thought the onslaught had ended, Mike decided to drop a cheeky drop-goal, just because he could. The ball soared high, and somewhere, Jonny Wilkinson shed a proud tear.

The Big Performances

Man of the Match went to Hugo, whose “big carries” were less carries and more acts of property damage. Richmond’s defensive line now exists only as a concept.

Special mention, of course, to Dylan, who put in some juicy, bone-rattling shots that should’ve come with a health warning. The man was an absolute menace — Richmond’s pack may never emotionally recover.

The Final Whistle

When it finally blew, Hammersmith stood victorious — sweaty, muddy, slightly confused about which try was whose, but fully aware that Richmond had been well and truly *******-ed.

The post-match pints flowed, tales grew taller, and someone definitely claimed they’d “nearly got a call-up for England.” Classic.

Another weekend, another notch on the belt for the Hammersmith 2s, who continue to combine questionable fitness with undeniable brilliance.

Relishing a comeback win over London rivals Belsize Park, the 2’s were determined to keep their momentum rolling and put the hammer down against whatever Richmond 4’s had to offer. Learning from their sluggish start the previous week, the warm-up was sharper, the focus dialed in, and the intent clear. A rousing team talk from a Welshman lit the fire under the squad — and it showed immediately.

From the first whistle, the ******** came out flying. Centre Christian’s burst of pace shredded the Richmond defensive line and opened the scoring early — the first of what would be many for him that afternoon. Richmond, stung by the early blow, replied with aggression and heavy carries, particularly through their strong number 8. Their pressure took them deep into the ********’ 5-metre line, but after a series of crunching two-man tackles from the forwards, the defence held firm. A penalty turnover and an excellent kick to touch from Geoff flipped the field, and a slick lineout move saw Christian once again cross in the corner for another five points. The tone was set: punishing defence, ruthless attack, and a ******* side that refused to let up. From another dominant lineout, Dylan, angered by the free healthcare he’s experienced, charged through the line with two defenders clinging on to touch down. Three tries up, the ******** began to play with joie de vivre but a lapse in focus allowed Richmond to build phases deep in the ********’ half. A series of penalties and a stern yellow card warning followed, after Yarwood, a MOTM contender, allegedly ripped the ball from a grounded player. Richmond took advantage, scoring from a 5m lineout after several pick-and-go attempts. With the score at 21–7, the ******** needed a response; and Ted delivered. A brilliant show-and-go saw him slice through the defence for a breathtaking solo try, closing the half 28–7 after Weaver’s flawless kicking from the tee.

At halftime, Nugget, managing to keep his emotions in check, praised the side’s rugged defence but reminded the boys to stick to their structure and trust the game plan. And, as against Belsize, they listened.

The second half was a clinic. The backline clicked into gear, orchestrated by Geoff’s exceptional distribution; a performance that would earn him Man of the Match. From a set-piece move off the scrum, Weaver lived up to his name, weaving through defenders to score under the posts. Moments later, the same play saw captain Thomas lead by example and claim a well-deserved five-pointer. As the game wore on, a tiring Richmond side began to crumble. Sopher finished smartly in the left-hand corner after running a superb support line. Nursey continued his excellent form, breaking tackles for two tries in the half, reinforcing his reputation as one of the first names on the team sheet. Christian completed his hat-trick — the first of the season — and Thomas doubled his own tally soon after. The forwards refused to be left out of the fun. Dylan and Harry both crashed over under the posts after powerful runs, while the front row dominated every scrum, setting the platform for much of the day’s success. A special mention goes to Will, who came off the bench with huge impact in the backrow and earned himself a starting spot for next week.

By the final whistle, the 2s had not only outscored their rivals but outmuscled and outclassed them, sending a clear message to the rest of the league: the *******’s mean business. Dick of the Day honours went to Weaver after a failed 40m drop-goal in attempt to build scoreboard pressure in a game that finished 81-7.