Captains log April 11^th, 2026. We set sail on the good ship Hammer with high spirits and safe in the knowledge there was only one more encounter before we could return to port for a well-earned rest.

Farnham Bay was home to a swirling wind that was almost as fierce as the DJ they’d hired for the day. Despite a long discussion between Captn’ Tommy and Bo’sun’s mate Joe Carolan; the decision was taken out of our hands and we were to play into said wind for the first half.

Straight form the kick off we were given a lineout where up stepped Quartermaster Zak Prop…He delivered a textbook lineout which gave us false hope for the rest of the day….Play was eventually stopped on the far side as we were tackled into touch.

The next 5-10 minutes was a rocky period as we were finding our sea legs. Several silly pens and some trundling runs from the hosts saw us eventually pinned in our own 22. However, step forward Cabin Boy Josh AA! Recovering a loose ball, he stormed forward dodging the larger men all grabbing at him and headed straight for the opposition try line, leaving a wake of attempted tacklers in the way. Unfortunately, his dreams were cut short around the half way line as he was eventually caught – the offload missing fellow Cabin Boy Ben Dugdale, was recovered by Farnham who managed to run it in and draw first blood. 5-0.

The choppy seas weren’t done with us yet as head Navigator Ted Shand managed to kick the ball in the wrong direction from the kickoff gave Farnham the ball again deep in our half. On an undercover mission Captain Tommy managed to stow away in the opposition maul and secure a turnover on our own 22m line. From this point, it was full steam ahead for HMS Hammers! Bombarding the enemy lines with rounds of carries, winning the occasional scrum pen and Petty Officer Dan Whitts cleaning up any stragglers that got through. All this pressure was eventually rewarded when First Mate Tim Russell snuck over in the far corner! 5-5.

A penalty from the following kick off put us in prime position again. Following some ‘interesting’ lineouts we managed to press on and keep up the attack. Again, Tim Russell finds the same corner – you’d have thought they might have seen that coming….5-10.

After the restart, some excellent counterattack sees Old Seaman Bryce Morgan nail an impeccable 50:22; ‘that’s incredible’ cried Ted. What a boon for the boys as we marched to the 22 to pillage our spoils….oh wait…. Ref said no…. Lineout Farnham….

We eventually managed to recover the ball and continue our assault, this time Joe Carolan managed to blast through a small gap and dot it down under the posts. Much to the amusement of the DJ, he even managed to convert this one. 5-17.

Just before the half time whistle there was one more opportunity for an attack. A break up the pitch created a small gap, into which flew the human periscope Luke Wilson! In an excellent position, with great vision and terrible execution Luke attempted the pass to Bryce but alas found the touch line….half time it is.

The second half opened with a huge volley from the Long 9 Cannons as Chief Gunner Joe blasted a monster of a kick and put just 2m too much on it. Scrum back to Farnham in our 22. Strong defense forced a turnover and via a classic TP pick-and-go through the middle we were on the front foot again. The offload made its way to Periscope Luke who this time carried deep into the opposition half and recycled efficiently. With a few quick plays and some great hands, Petty officer Dan Whitts managed to find the line in the far corner. (what he was doing there I’ll never know). 24-5.

A loose pass gave away the ball following the kickoff, but we held strong and managed to clear our lines eventually. This was however, to be our last bit of respite for a while….. a storm was upon us.

The ship took heavy damage as the mast broke, scrums faltered, lineouts collapsed and our tackling nets were ripped. While desperate repairs were conducted, Farnham managed to regain all the ground we’d taken and scored 3 unanswered tries! An uncharacteristic intercept from the Petty Officer, a period where we looked more likely to catch scurvy than a ball and a very questionable pass to Old Man Jones in the crow’s nest had cost us dearly. 26-24.

Finally, with the leaks plugged and the sail back up, we struck back! With a great steal from the kickoff and some flashy hands, Ship Mascot and Mad Puppy Chris Thompson bagged the points! 26-29

Following a clean kick off receipt and well performed exit, we were met with disaster! Farnham came firing back and managed to find a gap on the wing to score again. 31-29.

We’ve faced this position many times this year and on this day, we were not going to roll over! We picked ourselves up and headed back to the fray. A penalty was awarded from the kickoff and a quick tap (courtesy of Admiral Gregory’s just f*ing play policy) led to yet another corner try for Tim Russell! 31-34.

Next score was crucial, but this time the winds were in our favour! Farnham’s kickoff was blown back over their own 10m into the hands of Luke Wilson. Several strong carries and great phase play later saw us approach their 22. A cheeky pick and go from Joe was offloaded to yours truly who crashed over to seal the deal. An easy conversion for Joe and the final scoreline was set: 31-41.

With great stoicism we held out for the last 3 minutes until the realisation set in that our final voyage had been a success! With only one minor injury incurred at the very dead where Old Seaman Bryce was bitten by a dreadful spindly killer Farnham fish! A straight red card proved a soothing balm, as we were declared victors!

A fantastic way to end the campaign and one proud Captain! Hell of a shift from all the crew but special mention to the young Cabin Lad who got man of the match.

There’s a particular kind of Saturday that every rugby player secretly craves. Not the grim, sideways-rain, one-score thriller that leaves you questioning your life choices in a cold shower but the other kind. The kind where the opposition arrive looking slightly uncertain, the first half ends before they’ve had time to find their feet, and by the time it’s all over, the scoreboard reads like a victory parade rather than a confession.

Saturday the 28th was that kind of Saturday.

Mostly.

Hammersmith & Fulham 2s welcomed Worthing Raiders ‘A’ to the fortress – and wasted absolutely no time in making their intentions clear.

From the first whistle, Hammers set about making themselves very much at home. The game settled comfortably in Worthing’s half, as if the ball itself had decided it had no particular interest in venturing north. Hammers pressed, probed, and generally behaved like a side with a point to prove – which, as it turns out, they very much did.

The tries came with a pleasing, almost metronomic regularity. Four of them before the break. All converted. Twenty-eight points on the board before Worthing had so much as adjusted to the occasion. It was the kind of first half that prompts a quiet rethink in the away changing room.

Geoff Mahon dishing out the pill

Ben Hibberd opened the account in the manner of a man who had been quietly waiting for permission. Chris Thompson followed – less waiting, more insisting – a man who approaches the gain line less as a suggestion and more as a personal affront.With a few silky steps and a reach Max Dugdale adds his name to the scoresheet. Finally, the man who moves like a Slinky winger Sam Nursey weaves his way through defenders and dots the ball down in the corner to finish the half. Geoff Mahon, untroubled by the occasion, slotted all four conversions. Twenty-eight points. Nil to Worthing. Half time.

The second half, to Worthing’s credit, offered slightly more resistance – the kind that arrives when a side has nothing left to lose and everything to prove. However, early in the half the ball was chipped over the Worthing defenders and recovered by the Hammers backs after which the ball was given to Gregor Watson who turns on the gas and scores in the corner. Later in the half Sam Herron then adds his name to the scoresheet and Chris Thompson secures his brace.

And then there was the first incident.

Every match has one. That moment where the afternoon briefly forgets it’s a rugby match and remembers it’s also theatre.

Sam Smith – not the Grammy-winning, genre-fluid pop sensation, to be absolutely clear – took a boot to the face. Gracelessly. Deliberately. And entirely out of sight of a referee who, at that precise moment, appeared oblivious to the laws of the game.

This later led to Will Denny, who observed this injustice from across the pitch, covering the ground between himself and the offending player in a manner that suggested he had no interest in a measured conversation, and delivered what can only be described as an RKO. Out of nowhere. As they always are.

The effect was galvanising. Within moments, most of the players had reached their own conclusions about whether to get involved and unanimously decided yes. Order was eventually restored, words were had, and the match resumed with the slightly charged atmosphere.

The win delivers another victory in what has been a positive season for the 2s.

Worthing, it seemed, had not entirely learned their lesson.

Late in the second half, Jordan Brown received a firm hand-off to the face – the sort of greeting that falls some distance outside the accepted conventions of sportsmanship. In the vicinity of a loose ball and with the referee watching attentively – Jordan’s boot made contact with the ball. Or, more precisely, attempted to. The ball, in the way balls sometimes do, was not quite where Jordan’s foot ended up. What his boot did find, with what the referee generously recorded as accidental, was the very player who had so recently introduced his hand to Jordan’s face, leading to a flash of yellow from the ref. Geoff finished with four conversions from seven – a return that invites the mildest of scrutiny but ultimately earns a nod; the important work, after all, had already been done long before the final whistle.

Final score: Hammersmith & Fulham 2s 45 – 10 Worthing Raiders ‘A’ Tries: Ben Hibberd, Max Dugdale, Chris Thompson (2), Sam Nursey, Sam Herron, Gregor Watson

Conversions: Geoff Mahon (4/7) Man of the Match: Oscar Newcombe.

Worthing will go home and regroup. They’ll find reasons and make adjustments, as sides do. But on this particular Saturday, in this particular postcode, they ran into a Hammers side that was in no mood for diplomacy – and even less mood for having their faces used as hand-off practice.

The 2s have made their statement. The season – and Worthing’s medical staff – is listening.

If Tolkien taught us anything, it’s that some days aren’t about the comfort of the Shire—they’re about trudging into the shadow, locking shields, and discovering whether your mates will still be mates when the scoreboard starts looking like a prophecy you’d rather not read aloud.

And so it was for Hammersmith & Fulham, marching into contest with Jersey RFC: an outfit with the calm, weathered confidence of people who live surrounded by sea and therefore fear nothing—least of all a ruck.

The omens were mixed. The lads arrived with the usual pre-battle rites: boots tightened like armour straps, tape applied with the seriousness of medieval surgeons, and a quiet, unspoken agreement that whatever happened out there… it would definitely be someone else’s fault.

Then the whistle.

And like any good saga, the first act belonged to the villains. Jersey came out with the sort of purposeful intent normally reserved for siege engines. The ball moved, bodies collided, and the game immediately took on that “long afternoon at Helm’s Deep” feel—less about elegance, more about survival. Hammers stood firm where they could, scrambled where they had to, and generally tried not to look directly at the scoreboard in case it started speaking in riddles.

The boys take the field to the roar of the watching 1s

But epics aren’t epics without a response.

And Hammers responded the way heroes do: not with magic, but with stubbornness.

Enter Anushan, who decided that if there was going to be a fight, Hammers might as well land a meaningful blow. High pressure. A wayward pass. Interception. Try. Hope rekindled.

The Hammers faithful allowed themselves a brief smile—the kind that says, Right then. We’re in this.

From the tee, Geoff stepped up—part wizard, part gambler, entirely at the mercy of wind, angle, and whatever dark forces reside in touchline heckling. One conversion landed; the other didn’t. One from two—enough to keep the torch lit, even if the storm kept trying to put it out.

Jersey, though, are not a team that misplaces momentum and politely asks if you’d like to have it back. They pressed on with the cold efficiency of a well-run campaign. Every inch was contested, every carry answered, every collision taken as personal correspondence. Hammers battled, but Jersey kept finding ways to turn pressure into points, inch by inch, blow by blow.

Still—Hammers refused to let the story be written without a second chapter.

Step forward Gregor, who brought the sort of energy that turns weary legs into suddenly-not-that-weary legs. At the right time, in the right place, with the right amount of “not today, thanks,” Gregor crossed for Hammers’ second try.

For a moment, it felt like the tide might turn; like somewhere in the distance a horn sounded; like the cavalry might yet arrive.

But rugby—like war, like fantasy novels, like trying to leave the clubhouse early—rarely goes to plan.

Jersey rallied again, composed and relentless, and as the match ran into its final passages, the visitors’ control told. Hammers kept swinging—never folded, never stopped competing—but the gap remained, and the final whistle arrived with the blunt honesty of a closing chapter.

Final score: Jersey RFC 28 – 12 Hammersmith & Fulham
Tries: Gregor, Anushan
Conversions: Geoff 1/2

There will be no songs sung about the scoreline.

But there should be something said for the fight: two tries carved out against stern opposition, a side that kept fronting up even when the plot looked unfriendly, and enough moments of grit to suggest that this wasn’t an ending—just a hard page in a longer story.

The season rolls on. The fellowship regroups. And next week, the lads go again—older, angrier, and significantly more interested in the details of defensive spacing.

Its been a while since I wrote one of these, one of the (few) joys of being captain is you usually get to farm this out to someone but on this occasion its warranted. Keep reading to find out why. 

 The Thirsty 3s are on a roll this season currently sitting top of the league, albeit with a few more games over Belsize and Hampstead behind us, and are playing some lovely rugby at the moment and today was no different. With an early kick off set so we could enjoy Ireland offering England some tips in how to win games, the boys turned up nice and early in the morning to a calm dry day full of glee for the game. Credit to Old Streetonians as well who brought a team along, something they have admittedly struggled with this season, with a few lads doing a double shift from a Friday night game for their 1s which we really appreciated.  

The boys started brightly taking the restart and earning a penalty off a ruck and Sam Heron driving the ball into the opposition 22. A well set maul of the lineout carried the forwards towards the tryline before yours truly peeled off diving for the line. Old Streets were game though stopping a few phases on the line before forcing a knock on. Not the best reprieve for them given the Hammers scrum was on fire all day driving them backwards and forcing a poor clearance to touch. Hammers fired up the rolling maul again this time with the author diving right to dot down unopposed. 5 nil early on, hell of a start. Sam Heron rang the posts (for the first time in the day). This set the tone for a forward dominant display but with the backline we had we knew it was only a matter of time before they got stuck in the game. 

Hammers pulled together some lovely phases to get territory but the oppo were game for some tough work at the rucks and there was some good back and forth before they threatened the Hammers 22 for the first time. Some solid defence with double tackles and a turnover led to an exactly 50-22 from Sam Heron giving the forwards yet another chance for a rolling maul. The outcome was inevitable and as the try line beckoned offering your scribe a brace the returning Sandy Duncan, tired of waiting for his opportunity to score jumped onto the back of the maul stealing the ball and ultimately the try. An early solid contender for DOD stealing the ball off your captain who as hooker only ever scores off rolling mauls. Really took something to beat that, keep reading… conversion made, 12-0. 

Fast hands off the restart led to the boys making more gains and letting the backline stretch their legs. Excellent hands down the left, couple of big carries in the middle to allow the backs to hit the right edge and stretch the defence before Sam Nursey jogged into the space for his first of the day. 19-0 and the result was starting to look in the bag made only better by yet another big carry from Sandy Duncman off a lineout going well beyond the gainline allowing the forwards to carry round the corner on the front foot before the ball went wide allowing Mike Willis to carve through the defence from full back and outpace the covering defence to score. One hell of a conversion from out wide, ringing the post again but this time bouncing over meant the Hammers went into the half time drinks 26 nil up and keen for another round of doughnuts. 

With the wind behind them the Hammers started the second half full of beans, a returning Nathan Smith carrying off a lineout like a rampaging bull in a china shop bumping off players and making it from his own half to the 22 before an offload and a quick phase led to Sam Nursey grabbing his brace in the corner. The joy of some spectacular rugby was short lived as Nathan was left limping from the field, swift recovery mate. Sam Heron added the extras from out wide, 33-0 and the 3s were keen to make a statement. Step up Man of the Match Jonny Francis, stepping into centre to allow Sunny Duncman’s hamstrings to rest (IFYKYK), pouncing in to jackal the ball after a crunching tackle from his centre partner Kristian Thomson then offloading to allow Jules Storey to jog in for one of the easiest tries he’ll score all season. Lovely stuff from a Hammers defensive line looking to keep the pressure on, hungry for their doughnuts. The ball fell off the tee and whilst Mitch Currie did well to get a dropgoal off the score remained at 38-0.

KRistian Thompson and Mike Willis attacking the Old Streets line

The forwards weren’t done though, licking their lips at a 5m scrum after a fumble from Old Streets putting the ball dead. Huge pressure across a couple of phases led to Si Irwin busting through a weak tackle to dive under the posts from a good 5.5m out. He may have forgotten the decimal point when recounting it in the bar later as all good forwards do when telling others about their meat pies. Mitch adds the extras to bring the score to 45-0 and the boys wanting a half ton for the day. 

More credit to Old Street who, despite going down to 14 men after losing their scrum half to a head knock and front rower to a neck injury, kept fighting at the breakdowns and working hard with the ball in hand. Helped by a slip in discipline and the man in the middle looking to even the game up a bit they drove into the Hammers 22 building phases and taking quick taps to pile the pressure on. The defence was admirable, Spider Stannard stole a couple of lineouts in the red zone, Mitch Currie cleared out of our own dead ball area excellently but the Old Streets players kept running and the whistle kept blowing before the oppo’s number 8, playing a double stint after his Friday night lights game for the 1s crashed over for their try.  

The boys were gutted, dreams of Krispy Kremes up in smoke and tempers started to flare with the incessant penalties. Excellent defence and clean turnovers’ only reward being a penalty to the opposition on a number of occasions, especially after another great steal from MOM Jonny Francis led to a holding on call which was the final straw for this particularly tired and frustrated captain who decided to smash through a ruck, pick up the ball from an offside position and clear it before giving the bloke with the whistle a spray about his decision making. Definitely warranted a slice of cheddar, even if captains get the opportunity to offer their views on the game to the referee that was certainly not the way to do it. If asked again I’ll just suggest I wanted a break but didn’t have a hooker on the bench so it was my only option… not a good argument either, free pint well earnt. 

Luckily for this particular captain there is a great sense of pride at the club these days and the boys were not going to let up. The final 10 minutes were hard fought, 14 on 14, with lots of changes in possession and more dominant set pieces from Hammers to fight back up field just to be pinged backwards again. Some handbags from the rather upset Old Streets prop who didn’t enjoy his afternoon, unsurprisingly so, fired the boys up and after yet another crunching tackle set the ball loose, Sam Nursey – not content with just the 2 tries – swooped on the loose ball and sprinted across the 80 odd metres to put a finishing seal on the game and get the boys their half ton as a consolation for the lack of doughnuts.  

A good run out for the Thirsty 3s to push them closer to the top of the table and the best chance to win the league, certainly to get themselves a play-off berth for some extra post tour games in April. A good day out all round, Thamesians follow, after a week off for a quick trip to Jersey for the boys, in what will be a triple header at home. Definitely one to get excited about. 

Final score Hammers 3s 50 – 5 Old Streets 3s