After three solid victories since the start of the new year, it was back down to Hurlingham for the 2s, bringing a much‑changed side compared to the team that played Horsham last week. During the warm‑up, the line‑outs were moving well and the backs’ moves were flying. After some precise words from Nugget and Olly, the 2s were ready to fight.

The whistle blew and the 2s were bearing down on Richmond. After some excellent distribution to the forwards from scrum‑half Ben May, the 2s drew a penalty. Mitch Currie slotted it over for three, and the Hammers were ahead. Sadly, after this excellent start, the wind changed for the 2s and they were pinned back in their own half. Richmond sniffed out a few gaps in the Hammers’ defence and ran in a couple of tries.

The 2s might have been down, but not out. After some excellent running pod work from the likes of Lucas Sopher and Will Denny, the 2s earned another kickable penalty, which went over for another three points.

The half ended with the ******** trailing 6–14. With some quick words from the coaches about shoring up their defence during the break, the 2s were back out.

The shoring up of the defence didn’t happen quickly enough, and a couple of quick tries from Richmond put them further ahead. Still, the ******** had fight left in them and roared back into action. The defence improved, with some big hits from Kioko Searle‑Mbullu and captain Jack Macgregor.

With the 2s putting pressure on the Richmond attack, they coughed up the ball and away the ******** went. With excellent running from the whole team, the 2s finally managed to get over the line. Captain Jack Macgregor grabbed the five points, with the previously infallible boot of Currie adding the extras.

This momentum faltered and Richmond were back on the front foot. Still, the ******** fought on, valiantly defending with all their hearts. Even with Ben Bradshaw and Robert Harris coming off the bench to bring much‑needed support to the scrum, and an excellent tackle from Niall Officer on the wing, it wasn’t enough to stop the inevitable.

Richmond managed to score a brace of tries before the 2s were able to get the ball back in hand. However, keeping possession made all the difference and opened up the centre‑field attacking threats of Kristian Thomson and Eoin Baker. Some quick ball allowed James McKendry to get it down in the corner.

It was up to Mitch for the conversion, but with his ‘groin gone’ from all the kicking, and Richmond misunderstanding the rules and forcing a re‑kick, it became Currie’s first and only miss of the game.

Still, the 2s were hungry for more. With the referee indicating two minutes on the clock and the possibility of a win slipping away, the ******** pressed on with sheer grit and determination. They stormed into Richmond’s 22 and looked ready to apply real pressure.

The calls of ‘river’ went up from the half‑backs and the first pod drove forward, making ground. The ball was recycled quickly and the next pod followed. But alas, it was not meant to be. A knock‑on somewhere in the fray saw the referee blow the whistle, and it was all over.

Beaten, but never defeated, the ******** look forward to righting the wrongs in the coming weeks.

Saturday /ˈsatədeɪ,ˈsatədi’/ (noun) – the day of the week before Sunday and following Friday, and (together with Sunday) forming part of the weekend. More commonly known as the day of the week “for the boys”

Where else would you want to be but with Ryan’s Raucous Reds! The mighty Hammers, hungry as ever for a win, took their talents to the Royal town of Tunbridge.

The boys arrived bright eyed and bushy tailed, ready for battle, post match pub crawls and a mastermind category of cheese, trees and disease. The energy in the changing rooms building up towards kick off, the boys nerves had settled following rousing speeches from Ryan, Tommy and Marshall but – most importantly – confirmation of running water.

Now for a town named after a shaft sunk into ground to obtain water you would think that a drought would be unlikely. However, the people of Tunbridge Wells had unfortunately been without water for a number of weeks up until this point. If you were wondering where the water has vanished to it had clearly been stored beneath the pitch – an absolute BOG (despite stellar work from the groundspeople to flood the sides of the pitch) did all but faze the mighty Hammers. You would need more than just a heavy pitch to put a stop to Ryan’s Red Men.

Kicking, catching, carrying and tackling – the Hammers drew first blood. A brilliantly defended 9 on 1 by Bryce Morgan in the wide channel (yes this is true – check the footage) followed by a well placed kick into the corner by Tedward Shand pinned the Royals back in their own 22. A clearance kick (boring) could not find touch but only the safe hands of Marshall MacLeod, carrying strongly into contact. With the “Dan” contingent of Perry and Hostetler following suit with imperious carries into contact – front foot ball had arrived. Brimming with confidence real joué was now on display – silky tip lines and aces leading to the ball finding its way to our ever-present, favourite Hammers winger with his luscious blonde locks… DAN WHITTS!?!? Breaking through the line and galloping down the wing, leaving a path of destruction in his wake.

The hammers approached the opposing 22, their attack now flowing like a river (ironic). Chris Thompson leaving defenders strewn across the ground as he did all day. Heads up rugby to keep the ball alive from Josh AA on his 50th cap – some say he does it for the love of the game, others say someone tested his gangsta – another signature line busting carry brought to a halt by 3 men of the Wells, surrounding him and checking if their girlfriends saw them bring down the man, the myth, the legend (Rogan wrote this bit i promise!) Quick recycling and precision passing led to an absolute peach of an inside ball from Tedward ShandyHands finding Marshall MacLeod on a scything line and over the whitewash untouched. Slotted through the posts effortlessly by Ben Dugdale (watching those kicking tutorials on the bus really paid off!) the boys were off to a flying start.

Hammers 7-0 Tunbridge Wells.

Scrums, mauls, lineouts and high balls, Ryan’s Rumbling Reds were hungry for more! Passages of play marked by slick handling, relentless defending, Dylan Bilski chasing boys back over the border that is the try line, the boys had locked horns in a war and refused to back down.

Banging on the door in the Tunbridge 22 the boys were relentless in their attack. A whopping 30 consecutive phases strung together but the Tunbridge defence stood strong. Strong until the Timmy Russell a Trojan stallion amongst the big brute forwards snuck in on a beautiful short line and over the line for another score. Unbelievable scenes of pure jubilation spearheaded by Gregor Watson as the boys had gone over for a try once again!!!

Hammers 14-49 Tunbridge Wells.

And thus the full time whistle blew. If you want to read about the tries that Tunbridge scored then you’re on the wrong website aren’t you.

See you soon when we take on Bracknell next.

MOTM: Josh AA (shock)

The Hammers 3s dusted off the festive rust on a chilly January afternoon and got straight back to business, gearing up for a tough day at the office with cold hands, heavy legs and the usual uncertainty that comes with the first game post Christmas chops.

The boys welcomed their opposition for what would become a performance brimming with grit, flair and a yearning for points.

Early exchanges were cagey, with both packs scrapping for front-foot ball. But once the Hammers got into their stride, the tries started to flow like a nice vintage. 

A sloppy spill of the ball from Hampstead lead to a nice breakaway down the left wing at which time Charlie Hay appeared from the bushes to get on the end of it to lock down some points nicely and get the scoresheet started. Hampstead didn’t take anything lying down this game and fought back to gain some tries in the corners. Their kicker taking the full 90s every time to slot absolutely nunza; a recurring theme of the day fortunately for us.

With the game starting to descend into a scrappy nightmare the boys found themselves having conceded 4 edge of the field tries and looking for a way back in when none other than Cameron Roberts steps up to the mark with a penalty advantage and a good 7 scoring opportunities at his disposal. There’s out of the box thinking and there’s whatever happened here, with overlaps on just about 3 sides Cam puts boot to ball and luckily Brandon Leschert manages to attach himself to the end of it securing our first try of the day. 

As the structure started to return to the field the boys started making use of the overlaps and space gaining traction up the field. This culminated very nicely with an edge field play getting up to the Hampstead 22. The ball making its way nicely along the line to fall fatefully into the hands of Dan Hogg who finished it off in the corner.

The boys starting to take control of the game now and getting some good front foot ball thanks for some class performances in the forwards the game was looking hopeful. The forwards then decided to not only help us get a foothold in the game but also get a taste the fruits of their labour. First clocking in was the Italian Stallion Valerio Marcantognini, the man of few words and even fewer mistakes. If any man that day claims to have seen what happened they’re lying. He appeared out of a mist with the ball just inside the opposition 22 and trundled his way over the try line. 

In a fitting turn of events Rob Harris gained some rewards for his consistent hard work on and off the field, making his weekly highlight unrelated to Pitchero was a nice touch. Dotting over from a whopping 2 metres out left the boys speechless.

Having kept the opposition out for the whole second half we entered the final countdown. the boys took a momentary foot off the gas to let in a unfortunate breakaway try not long before the close.

The game now sat with a try in it – Kieran Smith steps up to the plate for a very efficient: tackle, thieve and score combination, a real blink and you’ll miss it moment.

With the 3’s now in command, Kieran stayed consistent to add the extra points with the boot — sinking his classy third conversions to give the scoreboard a satisfying glow. It cannot be ignored how village it is having your no 8 kicking conversions…but if there’s grass on the pitch play ball.

In a game filled with big hits and big heart, one performance stood above the rest. Man of the Match went to Jonty Callaway — a man who, legend has it, sacrificed a family lunch to pull on the famous shirt. It’s this level of commitment that embodies what our club is all about.

A special mention too for Joe Hennigan, who bravely attempted to warm up before the game only to suffer a dislocated knee – so wish you all the best with recovery mate x, The pre game team talk was enough to inspire the masses to battle so your role as war commander was complete.

The Hammers 2s rolled into Barnes just after midday to be greeted by Arctic temperatures and what can only be described as a goose sanctuary masquerading as a rugby pitch. The surface was absolutely littered with goose droppings, making footing questionable and dignity optional. If the conditions weren’t enough of a warning, the warm-up certainly was. Our staple “Saracens” move – refined over the past six months – failed to fire once. Confidence was high… for Barnes.

However, once the whistle blew, the Hammers finally decided to play some rugby. Despite the narrow pitch, the backs put on a clinic of slick, expansive rugby. Chris Thompson was at his devastating best, carving holes in the defensive line all afternoon and creating multiple scoring opportunities with trademark running lines. Alongside him, the returning Eoin Baker made an immediate impact after a year on the sidelines, bringing calm heads, sharp feet, and plenty of punch back into the midfield. It was a centre partnership that would cause headaches in most leagues – and Barnes were no exception.

The forward effort laid solid foundations despite a few frustrating moments at the breakdown. While ruck retention wasn’t always textbook, the pack showed grit, winning key turnovers and providing quick ball when it mattered. Special mention goes to Geoff Mahon, who produced a stunning 50:22 that flipped momentum and territory in classic fashion. Unfortunately, this seemed to unlock a new confidence in the boot, leading to several ambitious follow-ups that didn’t quite hit the same heights – but we’ll forgive him for the original beauty.

Leadership was also on full display with Jack MacGregor returning from a broken hand and immediately stamping his authority on the side. His presence brought structure, direction, and composure, helping guide the Hammers through key phases and keeping heads focused when things got scrappy. His return has already paid dividends, with the second team looking sharper and more organised as a result.

After racing into a five-try lead, the Hammers unfortunately did what many proud rugby teams before them have done — switched off. A mix of complacency, loose discipline, and defensive lapses allowed Barnes back into the contest, turning what should have been a comfortable afternoon into a tense final stretch. It wouldn’t be a proper Hammers match without a bit of unnecessary drama.

Adding to the whirlwind, Max Dugdale, brought full-throttle intensity to the pitch. Passion was high, tackles were flying, and emotions occasionally boiled over – but it summed up the competitive edge and fire that kept the Hammers in control when the pressure mounted.

Despite the late wobble, the Hammers held firm, closing out the game with a narrow but well-earned victory. It may not have been perfect, it certainly wasn’t pretty at times, but it was a huge bounce-back performance after the Christmas break.

Cold, muddy, goose-infested – none of it mattered in the end. A win on the road, big performances across the park, and plenty to build on. The Hammers are back, baby.