A Glorious Afternoon of Mayhem for the 2s!

On a brisk Saturday that smelt faintly of Deep Heat and impending carnage, the mighty Hammersmith 2nd XV (a.k.a. The Bastards) marched onto the field to face Richmond RFC — a side who clearly hadn’t read the script.

From the first whistle, it was clear who fancied it more. Richmond looked ready for a polite game of touch rugby; Hammersmith looked ready for war.

The Tries

First blood went to Samson, who thundered over the line after a series of forwards’ pick-and-goes that could’ve levelled small buildings. Next came Dylan, who decided the only thing better than scoring was inflicting psychological damage while doing it. His hit count alone could’ve been reported to the UN. Richmond’s second row are still somewhere in the Twickenham area, gently weeping into their scrum caps.
And then Anushan — silky as ever — glided through a gap so wide it’s now being used as a new bypass off the A316.

From the Boot

Geoff, the metronome of the backline, had his kicking boots firmly laced.

3 conversions curled through the uprights like poetry in motion.

2 out of 3 penalties slotted neatly — the miss, we’ll generously call “tactical.”

And just when Richmond thought the onslaught had ended, Mike decided to drop a cheeky drop-goal, just because he could. The ball soared high, and somewhere, Jonny Wilkinson shed a proud tear.

The Big Performances

Man of the Match went to Hugo, whose “big carries” were less carries and more acts of property damage. Richmond’s defensive line now exists only as a concept.

Special mention, of course, to Dylan, who put in some juicy, bone-rattling shots that should’ve come with a health warning. The man was an absolute menace — Richmond’s pack may never emotionally recover.

The Final Whistle

When it finally blew, Hammersmith stood victorious — sweaty, muddy, slightly confused about which try was whose, but fully aware that Richmond had been well and truly bastard-ed.

The post-match pints flowed, tales grew taller, and someone definitely claimed they’d “nearly got a call-up for England.” Classic.

Another weekend, another notch on the belt for the Hammersmith 2s, who continue to combine questionable fitness with undeniable brilliance.