Hammers 2nd XV goes down to the Kiwi’s

Ok, I’m going to start this with a bit of a confession. I have a memory like a sieve. Like remembering stuff for me is tough. Not like medical evaluation tough but let’s just say scat testing for me is always an interesting proposition. So with that being said, if I don’t mention too many specifics about that one thing you did that your girlfriend was like oh my god you’re so sexy, I apologise.

It was a Saturday. It didn’t rain. Some would say that the weather was pleasant. Seb Money was there, with his usual interesting topics of conversation like ‘So, still single?’ or ‘Did you know gingers are a dying breed?’. Thanks Seb. 15 Hammers players and 15 London New Zealand players took the field. I think it’s safe to say that off the bat, London New Zealand (I definitely told people I was playing a ‘touring Kiwi side’) started the brighter out of the two. I remember Max attempting to pass one of their players the ball for some inexplicable reason, plus a quite ridiculous number of scrums. The standout moment for me from that first half would have been when Josh missed a tackle on his much shorter, much more gobby opposite winger. As we were running back for the restart, I gave him an encouraging look and told him to ‘make up for it by smashing some people’. He then proceeded to win man of the match by smashing a veritable boatload of people. You are very welcome Hammers faithful.

We went into halftime after about 10 minutes of much improved play before the whistle, and so the halftime teamtalk was one of positivity. We had played well, but we just lacked that killer pass or incisive moment that would’ve really put us into the ascendancy. Re-read that last sentence. I’m wasted as a teacher, definitely should be a journalist or something.

The second half was a ménage of crazy moments, big bosh lines and toilet breaks. Marshall showed a decent pair of wheels for a long range try, Josh continued to smash people and we kept having way too many scrums for my liking. It was off of one of these scrums that Gethin, who up to this point was fighting with Josh for man of the match, had his big moment. For those that haven’t had the pleasure of meeting Gethin, he is a quite lovely Welshman, who has a big smile and an aggressive tackle. After picking from the base of the scrum, he did his usual swatting away the flies impression, sending London New Zealanders flying left and right. However, when he hit the ground, it was clear that all was not well. I know I speak for all of us at Hammers when I say that we hope your recovery is as swift as it can be mate, and we look forward to seeing you carve it us in a Hammers shirt as soon as possible.

While all this commotion was happening, I went off for a quick toilet break and missed the restart. It’s fine though, because we scored in the corner. Again, you’re welcome Hammers faithful. In the end, after more rugby and some tries and things, we fell short however – a missed chance to take a penalty kick at goal and take the lead would be rued by all later.  A final try under the sticks for London New Zealand gave them victory, and we will hope to bounce back this weekend. Allez le ballon, Jouez plus, ou est la toilette.

Final score: Hammers 24 – 33 London New Zealand

MOTM: Josh

DOTD: Ben (even though stinky Charlie downed the pint)