Hammers 1st XV’s perfect start to the season rolls on!

The world is changed. I feel it in the water. I feel it in the earth. I smell it in the air. Much that once was is lost. The world is changed. Ed Wynne and Scott Van Berkel are out injured attempting to carry the weight of Jacob Poulton’s inflated sense of TrussEconomics. Ollie Weaver decided that taking part in a run for charity was more important than another weekend of missing kicks to touch. Could Hammers live up to previous weeks with such changes to their lineup? Only time would tell…

The game started as confidently as Kwasi Kwarteng’s plan for the economy. Alex Hart plucked the ball from the sky and exit errors were compounded by handing errors. Fullerians scored in the corner. The response was simple and effective, unlike the Conservatives attempt at stablising the markets. Matt Killen shrugged off rumours of his move to Real Madrid and brilliantly scored in the corner after some hard work from the pack to build field position.

Fullerians replied and demonstrated the reason why they so respected in the league. Firstly, they scored a try in the corner off a scrum and then knocked over a penalty. Hammers were shocked. They hadn’t been down before like this. They were desperately defending their line like the men from Helms Deep. Recognising the need for leadership, Tim Russell rode into a swarm of Fullerian defenders and completed the only in tackle offload of the game. The move ended in a well worked try in the corner. From that point Hammers took control and decided to let their resident conservative trundle over the line.

The second half demonstrated with impact of Ian Burbridge on the side. The side’s fitness decided the game with tries from Joe Carolan and BRUCE. James Lo verbally questioned an oppositions rugby ability and earnt slice of cheddar. At the end of the game Alex Spicer’s 50m sprint-> jog-> walk line break was completed by a Jacob Poulton Sonny Bill NFL Hail Mary. The game ended with a 5 point win for Hammers and showed why the RFU had decided to come film the “greatest club in the world”.