Senior News – Page 2 – Hammersmith & Fulham RFC

The SledgeHammers take on Wasps Vets on Old Hams Day!

28th January 2026/in Senior News

Clear you calendars!

Every year, once a year, a special day occurs. A day when Old Hams – men and women – return to the hallowed turf of Hurlingham, grab a pint, show their neighbours their scars, and tell embellished stories of their great feats of Rugby.

That day is Old Hams Day, and this season it falls on the 28th of March.

Making this Old Hams Day just a bit more special is that this year, the Hammers Vets – the SledgeHammers – will be taking the field in a curtain raiser for the 1st XV. Their opposition? Wasps Vets, with kick off at 12pm. After the game, we will descend upon the bar, pillage the BBQ, and then share in the awarding of the Seamus Luke Vets Player of the Season.

But that’s not all

Old Hams Day is an occasion, and to make it even more of a special weekend, the day before – Friday, 27th March – the club is hosting our first Hammers Vets Golf Day.

Not a golf fan? Fear not – Friday evening post-work, drinks will be organised in town for those keen to start Old Hams weekend with a bang, or just keen to catch up with old friends. And we’d love to see Old boys and Old girls in big numbers at both.

If you would like to register for the golf, please email Rogan on zahael@hotmail.com. Details as to the Friday drinks will follow, and be posted on the club’s facebook, website, and Instagram pages.

Bring the kids. Bring the family. Bring the dog. And get keen!.

Hammers 1s score two amazing tries!

23rd January 2026/in Men's Match Reports, Senior News

Saturday /ˈsatədeɪ,ˈsatədi’/ (noun) – the day of the week before Sunday and following Friday, and (together with Sunday) forming part of the weekend. More commonly known as the day of the week “for the boys”

Where else would you want to be but with Ryan’s Raucous Reds! The mighty Hammers, hungry as ever for a win, took their talents to the Royal town of Tunbridge.

The boys arrived bright eyed and bushy tailed, ready for battle, post match pub crawls and a mastermind category of cheese, trees and disease. The energy in the changing rooms building up towards kick off, the boys nerves had settled following rousing speeches from Ryan, Tommy and Marshall but – most importantly – confirmation of running water.

Now for a town named after a shaft sunk into ground to obtain water you would think that a drought would be unlikely. However, the people of Tunbridge Wells had unfortunately been without water for a number of weeks up until this point. If you were wondering where the water has vanished to it had clearly been stored beneath the pitch – an absolute BOG (despite stellar work from the groundspeople to flood the sides of the pitch) did all but faze the mighty Hammers. You would need more than just a heavy pitch to put a stop to Ryan’s Red Men.

Kicking, catching, carrying and tackling – the Hammers drew first blood. A brilliantly defended 9 on 1 by Bryce Morgan in the wide channel (yes this is true – check the footage) followed by a well placed kick into the corner by Tedward Shand pinned the Royals back in their own 22. A clearance kick (boring) could not find touch but only the safe hands of Marshall MacLeod, carrying strongly into contact. With the “Dan” contingent of Perry and Hostetler following suit with imperious carries into contact – front foot ball had arrived. Brimming with confidence real joué was now on display – silky tip lines and aces leading to the ball finding its way to our ever-present, favourite Hammers winger with his luscious blonde locks… DAN WHITTS!?!? Breaking through the line and galloping down the wing, leaving a path of destruction in his wake.

The hammers approached the opposing 22, their attack now flowing like a river (ironic). Chris Thompson leaving defenders strewn across the ground as he did all day. Heads up rugby to keep the ball alive from Josh AA on his 50th cap – some say he does it for the love of the game, others say someone tested his gangsta – another signature line busting carry brought to a halt by 3 men of the Wells, surrounding him and checking if their girlfriends saw them bring down the man, the myth, the legend (Rogan wrote this bit i promise!) Quick recycling and precision passing led to an absolute peach of an inside ball from Tedward ShandyHands finding Marshall MacLeod on a scything line and over the whitewash untouched. Slotted through the posts effortlessly by Ben Dugdale (watching those kicking tutorials on the bus really paid off!) the boys were off to a flying start.

Hammers 7-0 Tunbridge Wells.

Scrums, mauls, lineouts and high balls, Ryan’s Rumbling Reds were hungry for more! Passages of play marked by slick handling, relentless defending, Dylan Bilski chasing boys back over the border that is the try line, the boys had locked horns in a war and refused to back down.

Banging on the door in the Tunbridge 22 the boys were relentless in their attack. A whopping 30 consecutive phases strung together but the Tunbridge defence stood strong. Strong until the Timmy Russell a Trojan stallion amongst the big brute forwards snuck in on a beautiful short line and over the line for another score. Unbelievable scenes of pure jubilation spearheaded by Gregor Watson as the boys had gone over for a try once again!!!

Hammers 14-49 Tunbridge Wells.

And thus the full time whistle blew. If you want to read about the tries that Tunbridge scored then you’re on the wrong website aren’t you.

See you soon when we take on Bracknell next.

MOTM: Josh AA (shock)

The 2’s scrum powers Hammers to a famous victory!

23rd January 2026/in Men's Match Reports, Senior News

The scene was set for another 2s classic. Away at Wimbledon, a team that put 50 points on us during our first meeting this season, spotting a traitorous former Hammer on their team sheet, and the return of the Rogan, Head ******* in charge, promoted to the 2s following his return from Down Under.

We started well and pretty quickly learnt their game plan, “kick, kick and kick”. Dugdale had the game of his life, for about 60 seconds, before knocking heads with the opposition and being pulled of by the physio. Some big carried from Hibberd and skilful chip and chases from Niall put is 2 tries ahead rather quickly. They then showed some skill in identifying space, getting the ball wide and dotting down 2 of their own to close the score.

Dugdale’s injury was the first of 4, and by minute 27 of the game, despite having 3 subs, the 2s would soon find themselves down to 14 men, with 2 forwards in the back – classic ********!

This coupled with some fast play from Wimbledon, moving the ball round our heavy pack of steam pigs enables them to dot down another try. Another line break from them and a last-ditch intercept attempt from Geoff (fair contest if you ask me) handed them a penalty try and 10 mins in the bin for Geoff. Down to 14 men, and the scores locked at 14 all, we play on.

Some good attacking play from us put us deep into their half, earning penalties which we decided to kick for the posts. Mutters of “boring” by the opposition were soon silenced by the ever-reliable boot of Weaver and Geoff – the boys are up by 6. We look good in attack, but a lack of continuity in defence – understandable being a player down – leaves holes. Wimbledon takes advantage, takes the lead, and then score again when poor tighthead prop Valerio finds himself abandoned in the 15 channel defending a 3-on-1. The rot is only stopped when – off the back of what would prove the Hammers secret weapon, their scrum – Ben Hibberd busts through the line, links again with Niall, and scores! Geoff takes the extras to see out the half.

We went into half time only a point apart, 27-28 or something similar. Motivational speech time, we knew we were up against it, a man down, forwards blowing hard, backs having to deal with forwards getting in the way of their fancy moves. The word of the day was “Standards” – we we’re in this fight, we just had to hold each other and ourselves to the standards we know we can play to.

When then transpired was a see-sawing, tit-for-tat contest that left the fans with hearts in their mouths. Both teams going try-for-try, and the game nail bitingly close despite the 2s being a man down. For 30 minutes, it was back-and-forth and side-to-side. We had the lead…they had the lead. They broke the line.. heroic tackles from Nursey…an intercept from Jones…Then came a long stint of attacking pressure from the Hammers deep into their 22, earning a penalty advantage, quick tap, going for the line, phases… and…. and… a fumble from stalwart and front-foot player Matt Jones, plying his trade that day from the second row and making an uncharacteristic error. Damn! 7 minutes to go, and the boys are down by 6.

We come to the game defining moment, a scrum – THE scrum, THAT BLOODY SCRUM! Opposition ball, on their 5-meter line, their 9 feeds the ball in and…never has a pack of 8 Hammers forwards moved so quickly in unison, so powerfully…so purposefully! The Wimbledon pack are pushed off and the ball is OURS, carefully protected at our 8s feet, and still the scrum hurtles towards the line. Only in a last ditch attempt by the oppo to stop the impending doom to they bring it down (illegally), but Jimmy McKendry – acting scrum half – has already picked and safely dotted it down over the line. Try to the Hammers, Try to the Steam Pigs!!!

Our tails up, within 2 minutes, we attack the outside channels and score again! 5 minutes left with 8 points up! We’re tired but we believe. Wimbledon know they are in danger of losing their first game of the season so probe hard and identify a mismatch. Their 12 breaks the line, dodges spent Hammers defenders scores! There’s 2 minutes to go! They refuse a conversion attempt in order to save enough time for the restart. They know they have to score another try in win the game

The referee tells us its the last play. Wimbledon’s last chance. Our kick to them. 3 point game. Hammers in front.

Geoff kicks off. Everyone knows the job, 2 minutes of 100% work rate. All the pre-season Ian fitness specials have been for moments like this. Every player is wearing their heart on their sleeve. Wimbledon play a few phases in the middle of the park until its spun wide and…they’re caught slightly isolated! “Fire”!!!! About 6 of the heavy men pile into the ruck and turn the ball over, out to Nursey who launches it to touch.

Game over!!!! Hammers win 48 – 45!!

We eon in the heart, and really felt in the lungs. Ben Hibberd gets the honours of man-of-the-match, scoring or setting up at least 3 tries, but a big shout out the Steam Pigs, who through pure heart and force of will, went through a bigger Wimbledon pack to turn the game

Chilly day yields a warm result for the 3s.

23rd January 2026/in Men's Match Reports, Senior News

The Hammers 3s dusted off the festive rust on a chilly January afternoon and got straight back to business, gearing up for a tough day at the office with cold hands, heavy legs and the usual uncertainty that comes with the first game post Christmas chops.

The boys welcomed their opposition for what would become a performance brimming with grit, flair and a yearning for points.

Early exchanges were cagey, with both packs scrapping for front-foot ball. But once the Hammers got into their stride, the tries started to flow like a nice vintage.   A sloppy spill of the ball from Hampstead lead to a nice breakaway down the left wing at which time Charlie Hay appeared from the bushes to get on the end of it to lock down some points nicely and get the scoresheet started. Hampstead didn’t take anything lying down this game and fought back to gain some tries in the corners. Their kicker taking the full 90s every time to slot absolutely nunza; a recurring theme of the day fortunately for us.

With the game starting to descend into a scrappy nightmare the boys found themselves having conceded 4 edge of the field tries and looking for a way back in when none other than Cameron Roberts steps up to the mark with a penalty advantage and a good 7 scoring opportunities at his disposal. There’s out of the box thinking and there’s whatever happened here, with overlaps on just about 3 sides Cam puts boot to ball and luckily Brandon Leschert manages to attach himself to the end of it securing our first try of the day.   As the structure started to return to the field the boys started making use of the overlaps and space gaining traction up the field. This culminated very nicely with an edge field play getting up to the Hampstead 22. The ball making its way nicely along the line to fall fatefully into the hands of Dan Hogg who finished it off in the corner.

The boys starting to take control of the game now and getting some good front foot ball thanks for some class performances in the forwards the game was looking hopeful. The forwards then decided to not only help us get a foothold in the game but also get a taste the fruits of their labour. First clocking in was the Italian Stallion Valerio Marcantognini, the man of few words and even fewer mistakes. If any man that day claims to have seen what happened they’re lying. He appeared out of a mist with the ball just inside the opposition 22 and trundled his way over the try line.   In a fitting turn of events Rob Harris gained some rewards for his consistent hard work on and off the field, making his weekly highlight unrelated to Pitchero was a nice touch. Dotting over from a whopping 2 metres out left the boys speechless.

Having kept the opposition out for the whole second half we entered the final countdown. the boys took a momentary foot off the gas to let in a unfortunate breakaway try not long before the close.  The game now sat with a try in it – Kieran Smith steps up to the plate for a very efficient: tackle, thieve and score combination, a real blink and you’ll miss it moment.

With the 3’s now in command, Kieran stayed consistent to add the extra points with the boot — sinking his classy third conversions to give the scoreboard a satisfying glow. It cannot be ignored how village it is having your no 8 kicking conversions…but if there’s grass on the pitch play ball.

In a game filled with big hits and big heart, one performance stood above the rest. Man of the Match went to Jonty Callaway — a man who, legend has it, sacrificed a family lunch to pull on the famous shirt. It’s this level of commitment that embodies what our club is all about.

A special mention too for Joe Hennigan, who bravely attempted to warm up before the game only to suffer a dislocated knee – so wish you all the best with recovery mate x, The pre game team talk was enough to inspire the masses to battle so your role as war commander was complete.

Hammers run out of time against CS Stags

14th January 2026/in Men's Match Reports, Senior News

Dearest Gentle Reader,

The social season has resumed in most spirited fashion upon the fields of Hurlingham, where the gallant gentlemen of the Hammers took to the turf for their first engagement since the festive interlude. Their adversaries? None other than local rivals of considerable reputation — the formidable CS Stags. Though the chill of winter clung stubbornly to the air, the atmosphere was positively electric, promising an afternoon of high drama and vigorous endeavour.

With a brisk wind swirling, the Hammers kicked proceedings into motion. The dashing Tim, leaping like a man possessed, reclaimed the airborne ball and set the tone for early dominance. What followed was a flurry of confident carries and elegant exchanges between the men in red, yet the Stags’ defensive line remained as unyielding as the stone walls of a Mayfair estate. Even when positioned favourably within striking distance, the Hammers’ ambitions were thwarted by the cruel hands of fate — a mislaid pass here, a knock-on there — leaving the score unmoved.

As the first quarter elapsed without reward, the Stags at last found their rhythm. Sustained pressure deep within Hammers territory brought the first breach of the afternoon — a try most unwelcome. The scoreboard stood at 0–7, though none doubted the Hammers’ resolve.

A spirited exchange of kicks ensued, likened by some to a duel of gentlemen seeking position. From one such rally emerged another chance for the Stags, who, after many phases of patient build-up, crossed once more. The conversion went astray, leaving the margin 0–12.

But just as the onlookers began to despair, a spark was reignited. A loose Stags kick became the opportunity of the hour. Joe Carolan — ever astute — secured a turnover before combining brilliantly with the fleet-footed Tim Russell. The pair advanced with heedless abandon, their interplay as graceful as any waltz at Governor’s Ball. When Joe fell to ground, he swiftly delivered the ball to a thunderous figure — the indomitable Tom Proctor — who, upon realising naught but open field lay before him, charged for the line with admirable determination. With a few artful feints in Josh’s direction (for style, one presumes), he dotted down beneath the posts. Carolan’s conversion was true: 7–12, and the half concluded with hearts restored to hope.

The commencement of the second half, however, was less fortuitous. The Stags began with purpose, their number ten slicing through the defence with surgical precision to set up another score — 7–17, and a hush fell across the Hurlingham faithful.

Yet the Hammers are not easily subdued. Their response came swiftly — fierce carries, deft handling, and a scrum so utterly dominant it might have inspired poetry. The Stags’ front row, grievously undone by their own misdemeanour (the precise nature of which remains a mystery to all but those within the front-row fraternity), were duly penalised. Mr. Carolan stepped forth once more, his boot impeccable: 10–17.
The Stags, however, were far from idle and soon exacted their reply from a well-executed drive at the line. The numbers shifted again — 10–24 — and time began to press.

With twenty-five minutes remaining, the Hammers summoned that most noble of qualities: perseverance. A superb penalty from Ben placed them deep within enemy territory. The stalwarts Josh and Ian drove the team inexorably closer, though the Stags’ disruption at the ruck thwarted what promised to be a fine score. Yet the murmurs in the crowd betrayed rising admiration — the fight was far from over.

Moments later, that conviction bore fruit. A speculative Stags clearance was collected by the ever-alert Bryce, who deftly found Marshall in support. What followed might be spoken of for seasons to come: Marshall embarked upon a serpentine run, evading defenders (and, it is rumoured, a referee and physio as well), before delivering a pass flatter than propriety might allow to Joe, who unselfishly set up Tim for Hammers’ second try of the afternoon. The conversion eluded them, but the scoreline brightened: 15–24.

The closing passages were a testament to endurance, both physical and emotional. The Hammers pressed forward yet again, their forwards battering the gates of the Stags’ line. A quick-tap penalty from the ever-cunning Marshall reignited their attack, and soon Ian — finding a rare fissure in the wall before him — barged through with all the elegance one might expect from a man unsuited to subtlety. 20–24.

Time, alas, proved the villain of this tale. Though a victory slipped just beyond reach, the Hammers departed the field with pride intact and a valuable bonus point secured — a small gem in their crown as the season progresses.

Final Score: Hammers 20 – CS Stags 24.

Hammers 2s Grind Out Gritty Win Against Barnes 3s

14th January 2026/in Men's Match Reports, Senior News

The Hammers 2s rolled into Barnes just after midday to be greeted by Arctic temperatures and what can only be described as a goose sanctuary masquerading as a rugby pitch. The surface was absolutely littered with goose droppings, making footing questionable and dignity optional. If the conditions weren’t enough of a warning, the warm-up certainly was. Our staple “Saracens” move – refined over the past six months – failed to fire once. Confidence was high… for Barnes.

However, once the whistle blew, the Hammers finally decided to play some rugby. Despite the narrow pitch, the backs put on a clinic of slick, expansive rugby. Chris Thompson was at his devastating best, carving holes in the defensive line all afternoon and creating multiple scoring opportunities with trademark running lines. Alongside him, the returning Eoin Baker made an immediate impact after a year on the sidelines, bringing calm heads, sharp feet, and plenty of punch back into the midfield. It was a centre partnership that would cause headaches in most leagues – and Barnes were no exception.

The forward effort laid solid foundations despite a few frustrating moments at the breakdown. While ruck retention wasn’t always textbook, the pack showed grit, winning key turnovers and providing quick ball when it mattered. Special mention goes to Geoff Mahon, who produced a stunning 50:22 that flipped momentum and territory in classic fashion. Unfortunately, this seemed to unlock a new confidence in the boot, leading to several ambitious follow-ups that didn’t quite hit the same heights – but we’ll forgive him for the original beauty.

Leadership was also on full display with Jack MacGregor returning from a broken hand and immediately stamping his authority on the side. His presence brought structure, direction, and composure, helping guide the Hammers through key phases and keeping heads focused when things got scrappy. His return has already paid dividends, with the second team looking sharper and more organised as a result.

After racing into a five-try lead, the Hammers unfortunately did what many proud rugby teams before them have done — switched off. A mix of complacency, loose discipline, and defensive lapses allowed Barnes back into the contest, turning what should have been a comfortable afternoon into a tense final stretch. It wouldn’t be a proper Hammers match without a bit of unnecessary drama.

Adding to the whirlwind, Max Dugdale, brought full-throttle intensity to the pitch. Passion was high, tackles were flying, and emotions occasionally boiled over – but it summed up the competitive edge and fire that kept the Hammers in control when the pressure mounted.

Despite the late wobble, the Hammers held firm, closing out the game with a narrow but well-earned victory. It may not have been perfect, it certainly wasn’t pretty at times, but it was a huge bounce-back performance after the Christmas break.

Cold, muddy, goose-infested – none of it mattered in the end. A win on the road, big performances across the park, and plenty to build on. The Hammers are back, baby.

December blues hit the Hammers 2s

14th December 2025/in Men's Match Reports, Senior News

Having lost to Wimbledon, the 2s were keen to restore their pride through victory over league leaders Worthing. Upon arrival, the scene was set. The weather was miserable, the pitch was puddly, and the air smelt like a top-of-the-table match of rugby.

The 2s kicked off, and within a couple of heavy breaths conceded their first penalty of the game. This would be the opening act in a storied sequence of day-defining ill-discipline. By the 80^th minute, few would have seen such volumes of pens given so cheaply since Woolworths entered administration.

Keen to make amends, the 2s gritty defense drove Worthing from 22 to 10 metre line – where Hammersmith and Fulham’s sustained collective line speed forced a handling error from the hosts. For the next 20 minutes, an enthralling end-to-end battle ensued with both sides hungry to score first. Scrum times proved arduous for the visitors, whose shorter studs could’ve been mistaken for bowling shoes on the squelchy pastures of West Sussex. Halfway through the first half, the ******** won a mid-pitch lineout where some neat footwork and oddly respectable footballing skills saw flyhalf Ted Shandy kick and collect deep in Worthing’s 22. Two phases later he kicked the ball once more for skipper Tom Hughes to dot down. This was premier ******** rugby – unrelenting defensive doggedness combined with clinical offensive finishing. Magnifique.

The arm-wrestle continued, building with intensity until Worthing eventually converted their prolonged offensive pressure, capitalising from a 5m scrum. The 2s restarted – kicking the ball at Worthing’s inconspicuous lock who enjoyed a 20-yard gallop before hoofing a supernatural 50-22. Worthing won the lineout and secured a scrappy second score from a sloppy strike move that saw handling errors rectified by fly-hacks in a thoroughly underwhelming passage of rugby.

Irked and determined, the 2s were intent on righting their wrongs. Sustained offensive pressure saw Hammersmith and Fulham back on Worthing’s 5m line. The ******* 2s drew closer to parity with every carry, finally spinning the ball out wide until, Worthing intercepted. Although the Worthing player successfully ran it in, credit must be awarded to Naan for hounding after him the entire way.

The second half commenced, and the ******** found themselves camped in their own half for an undesirably extended duration. Hammersmith and Fulham commendably defended two 5m scrums, before a pair of opposition props broke through for Worthing’s fourth score. For anyone who’s cooked doughballs too close together, this was a similar case of lumps connecting frustratingly well.

The next 15 minutes saw a close contest unfold. In one notable passage, Hammers reclaimed possession in their 22, before thumping the ball downfield. Backs Tom Hughes and Dan Hogg hared after the receiver and good defensive pressure pinned Worthing near their tryline. The *******’s regained possession in a moment of swiftness, as Lucas Sopher’s pirouetting rip dispossessing an accelerating ball carrier. Anushan briskly passed to Ted who cut through for the *******’s second.

Now only two tries down with 20 minutes left, the *******’s hopes still flickered. However, a grueling 10-minute spell followed, that saw Hammersmith &Fulham battling to escape their own half. The pressure intensified when Worthing’s center broke the line, and shortly after the hosts had their fifth.

In the game’s dying embers, the *******’s famous resolve willed them on for a third and final score. Having won a penalty just beyond halfway, the ******** found touch inside Worthing’s 22. Another slick Dan Perry lineout was followed by an incisive final strike where Kristian Thompson casually broke four tackles to go under the posts.

Man of the Match – Tom Hughes

Final score 31-19.

2s can’t sustain strong start

1st December 2025/in Men's Match Reports, Senior News

Hammersmith and Fulham men’s 2nd XV travelled to Wimbledon on the back of a run of very impressive victories over some tough opposition.

The ‘Hammers’ as they are colloquially known by their friends and supporters, (which, to be clear, Hammersmith and Fulham council are not one of, and neither are the rich, privileged and arrogant residents that try to rule over Hurlingham park as if serfdom still existed) were looking to avenge several defeats inflicted upon them by Wimbledon 2nd XV last year.

‘Twas a miserable day, blustery wind and spatters of rain, but for the men in red, men of the soil, men who represent good, honest, decent and hardworking people, this barely registered as a factor in their mentality.

The first bit of good news was that Wimbledon had kindly allotted the game to be played on a flat pitch. This is worth mentioning, because, as you can no doubt have guessed, the usual 2nd XV pitch is on a slope, (2025 anyone?). The bad news was that this pitch was beside a small metal chain link fence abutting a patch of scrubland, (more on this later).

The warm up was good, the Hammers bench was stacked with their own Pom squad, Daniel Perry, Will Keyte and Luke Wilson, all adding weight and gravitas off the bench not to mention a debut to boot (Finn McCarthy – snorts haggis).

After sizing up the oppo who were representing Wimbledon 2nd XV, the men of south west London’s hardest borough were seriously fancying inflicting some hurt.

And so the first 20 minutes or so proved, with Chris Thompson setting the tone with a great interception and streaking clear, only to be narrowly hauled down before the try line. However, this led to great Hammers field position, with some great carrying from the forwards, (too many to name an individual, they all did a great job), with Dan Hindle being put over but unfortunately the referee, looking like a cross between an orc and a goblin, muttered a spell which caused Mr. Hindle to drop the ball.

It did not much matter as the puny ‘dons kicked the ball back and after some nice phase play from the big boys up front Henry Cowls (Dawg) went over, like a panzer in the Ardennes, for the first Hammers try. Ollie Weaver (I actually don’t know if he’s posh or working class, can someone at the club help me?) added the extras, Hammers up 7-0.

The Hammers then again started to play some good bloody rugger, preparing to give Wimbledon a buggering. Forwards (Dawwgggssss) again showing their worth and bashing their way towards the try line. Chris Thompson went full valleys juicehead mode and shot through a gap in the Wimbledon line and barrelled his way over score. Weaver (we call certain people by their surnames at this club as a sign of endearment) added the extras 14-0. This barrage of points and good play was all in the first 10-15 minutes of the match despite Grishnákh’s* best efforts (if you don’t know that reference, educate yourself). To paraphrase the words of the most learned Hugo Vati, upon the first or second scrum of the day Grishnákh* stated to both teams ‘you are going to learn what a referee with proper discipline is today boys’. Take from that what you will.

The ball was kicked off and after some arm wrestling in the middle of pitch Hammers got hammering and after some good play some slick hands out the back saw Sam Nursey slice over in the corner (three certainties, death, taxes and a Nursey try). Weaver with the conversion 21-0.

The play was restarted but after a minor scuffle the Wimbledon 12 (Gimp) blew his top and was sent to the bin after not being of the disciplined standard Grishnákh* expected.

The Hammers were cruising, but unknown to them, for a bruising. Despite being made up of weed like figures, Wimbledon, like a dogged mangy hound, refused to go away. After some lapse defending, unfortunately Wimbledon scored four tries without reply, their 10 converting each one, to be fair to him.

At half time the Hammers found themselves only just behind, from position of relative strength. Obviously it goes without saying that Grishnákh* had his malign influence on the match, not calling knock-ons, high tackles, generally just blowing his whistle at every opportunity, (probably lives on his own, selling avon). There was also the bizarre issue of the scrubland meaning that every penalty if kicked to that side was not actually kicked, but Grishnákh* decided that it was an automatic 15 metre gain for either side. Not a great pitch.

The second half kicked off, and like Cnut, the Hammers could not turn the tide. Wimbledon scored more tries, as the Hammers became a little ragged. However, anytime there was any physicality involved, the Hammers would dominate. After more tries conceded, the Pom squad was employed and this resulted in Henry Cowls going over from a driving maul again, as, as I said, once it came to physicality, Wimbledon like the French in WW2, surrendered to the Hammers blitzkrieg.

Alas, like the blitzkrieg, the Hammers were finding their supply/defensive lines stretched as they could not maintain the offensive. Wimbledon countered and more damage was done. Hammers fought till the end. Luke Wilson, receiving the ball 15 yards from the line pirouetted passed the first tackler, handed off the second before stepping the onrushing fullback to score to restore some pride in the shirt. I only wrote that for a laugh as Luke sometimes makes me say things with a breadknife (bants).

In reality he carried hard from five yards and scored. To be fair to Grishnákh* he did extend the second half, so after being told 5 minutes left, there were then 16 and so on. Unfortunately the Hammers war machine had exhausted itself and they could muster no more.

Wimbledon won on the day, but in the words of the Wealdstone Raider, they have no ground and no fans.

There were ugly scenes at full time as the Wimbeldon 12 attempted to take his top off (he’s a really great guy) and wrestle Grishnákh*. However this was sadly prevented. Utter Woke nonsense.

Thirsty 3s winning ways continue!

1st December 2025/in Men's Match Reports, Senior News

On a cold November day, the mighty Hammers 3s looked to claim yet another victim. Up stepped Pinner & Grammarians, hoping to be a worthy opponent for this unstoppable force. The Hammers boys rocked up ready to go, baying for more blood, tries, and beers.

The game kicked off and within minutes the Hammers had a turnover. After some slick hands, James McKendry was over for his first of the afternoon. This set the tone for the entire first half: bullying Pinner in defence and ruthless in attack. With a mix of sensual structure and flair the Fijians would be proud of, the tries rolled in – courtesy of Cam Roberts, Kieran Smith, Fergus Cassidy, Mike Willis, and a further two for man-of-the-match McKendry.

A dry first half allowed the boys to play some serious joué. The lads were loving it, the ref was loving it… Pinner, however, were not and were about to make it known. In the dying moments of the half, flair got the better of the 3s. A dropped ball led to a turnover, and a later silly penalty gave the Pinner 9 the opportunity he’d been waiting for: a quick tap-and-go to fly under the sticks. They were on the board and hungry for more.

Half-time brought a much-needed reset. After a speech from Rob McKeon (something about his holiday or his injury – no one’s quite sure), the boys were ready to get stuck in again. But to the joy of the forwards, and the misery of the backs, the heavens opened. A true late-November rugby game was underway: cold, wet, and windy, no place for a 10 wanting to chuck the pill about.

A sluggish start allowed Pinner back into the game (well, we let in one try and were still about 40 points up). Some choice words from vice-captain and man-mountain Joe Hennigan provided the needed spark. On we go.

Despite the rain, the boys still tried to play. Structure was the aim: keep it simple and slice through. With the ball slick, no risks were taken and inspiration taking from Sean Dyche with some classic Brexit football: hoof it up the pitch and pin them in. That is, unless your 10 decides to mis-kick it and slam it straight into Oscar Newcombe’s belly. Cheers mate, didn’t fancy chasing it anyway.

As the weather worsened, the game slowed. The first-half festival of throwing it around felt a distant memory. Crash-ball carries and sending The Naan into battle became the order of the half.

Another win for the 3s both on the pitch and in the sheds, cementing their place as the in-form team in the league. Will anyone stop them? Will James stop scoring? Will Kieran ever let the ball into the back line off a scrum? Who knows. All we do know is that the 3s are marching, and those who face them best be scared.

Final score: 51-21

Hammers 1s rue missed chances

30th November 2025/in Men's Match Reports, Senior News

It was a a fine November day that Hammers returned to Fortress Hurlingham eager to claim some points from league new-comers, London Scottish Lions.

An attritional first half opened with Geoff sending the ball high into the Scottish 22, but a couple of early penalties gave the opposition a chance to kick deep into Hammer’s half. However, proving pressure does not always make diamonds, their 10 got greedy, kicking over the dead ball line. Scrum down hammers. Hammers were asking plenty of questions early on, with Josh and Luke providing some serious go-forward, and Chris cutting through the Scottish line. However, the Hammers were kept out by a series of penalties, pinched line-outs and handling errors. Scottish gained momentum, kicking deep into Hammer’s half, scoring through their second attempt at a maul, 5m out.

Kicking off again, Hammers maintained pressure, building phases. A penalty for a high tackle, put hammers 10m out for a driving maul giving the backs a platform. With Ryan’s calls to “straighten” the backs unleashed a slick move, with Nursey dotting down in the corner. Surprise! Pressure began to mount against Hammers again, despite Joe and Moli having more hits than George Michael, with Hammers’ penalty count keeping them firmly in their half. As the half drew to a close, some scrambling defence by the Dugdales, alongside some aggressive maul defence, saw Scottish held up.

The second half opened with a textbook exit, and more defence, with an innovative triple hit allowing Geoff to strip the ball. Some classy link-up play between Proctor and Josh saw Marshall and Nursey released down the wing, with big Luke held up over the line. Some more promising attacking play, was cut short by handling errors and penalties, seeing Hammers retreating into their half, being punished for an offside with a converted penalty kick. Another Scottish lineout through error, saw leaping Seb tapping the ball back to Zak, with Mr Positive, Rogan, continuing this momentum. Quick hands gave Max an overlap, scoring a try through blistering pace described by spectators as “nearly as quick as his brother”.

Hammers once again exited well through Moli, Rogan and Whittaker. Following some excellent attacking play, a scrum 5m out offered a chance to take the lead, however Hammers failed to capitalise on this as momentum swung back to Scottish. A breakaway try from the Scottish 9 at a scrum increased their lead. As the game came to a close, further error saw Scottish dot down again, this time through a pick and go following a penalty.

Final score Hammers 12 – 34 Scottish, in a frustrating result given 65 minutes of competitive rugby. Despite the result, there were some excellent performances from debutants Chris and Dan Ah Kuoi, and MOTM Nursey and Rogan.