It was a mild Friday night as the Hammersmith & Fulham “SledgeHammers” finally dusted off their boots after a three-year sabbatical from Vets Rugby —though for some, it looked more like a retirement comeback tour. Despite fielding a squad comprised of Hammers legends, some questioned if the Hammers were less about blistering pace these days and more about blister plasters, doubts that were not assuaged by prop Ade Furniss leading a total body sub-5 minute warm up. Which all agreed was adequate preparation for a game of contact Rugby on a dark October night featuring a group of middle aged men, many of whom hadn’t done any cardio since their last bout of “meat sweats” at Goucho. What would the night bring…

With knees creaking louder than the clubhouse door and fitness levels best described as “aspirational,” they lined up ready to prove that experience (and maybe a few pints) still counts for something. Their opponents today? The London Cornish Baas Baas, in reality a mixed side of London Welsh, London Cornish, and a handful of London Japanese. This United Nations of Rugby Teams were themselves tentatively re-entering the league, butchered as most clubs were by COVD, the passage of time, Hyrox, careers, and the arrival of vampire kids. None of that mattered tonight though – both sides just wanted to feel the joy that comes from playing with your mates, the pride that comes from a well-executed tackle, and the satisfaction one gets from feeling a crisp Gilbert in your hands.

Newcomer Alistair Hare had the honour of being the first Hammers vet to feel that crisp Gilbert in his hands, catching the ball at the kick off. He felt it for about 2 seconds before getting smashed by a wheezing Baa baa second row, but felt it he did. The boys were off!

With Cornish jumping on the loose ball, the SledgeHammers were now defending, and it didn’t take long for the old shoulders to get proper warm. Ade Furnish, a Turf Games acolyte, showed what being the best at exercising could bring, laying down some huge hits against the sizeable Baa Baa pack and stopping them dead. With Lachy Skulander, one of the younger cohort of Hammers, hunting for tackles in the mid-field, it didn’t take long for the boys to force a turn over. Will Finn – his jersey especially made of boyfriend material – dug the ball out of the ruck, and fed former Hammers coach Ronan Murphy at 10. Always a believe in the “get the ball to Jlo” school of Rugby, Ronan’s long pass found the waiting hands of James Lo, who pulled a classic “catch me if you can” and rang 50 meters to score. The kick converted by Ronan, 7-0 to the SledgeHammers. It boded well.

The Baa Baas weren’t – as the saying goes – there to f**k spiders though. They came straight back at the Hammers, pressuring Ed Farrer off the kick off and regathering the ball. Playing a direct style of Rugby, round and round the corner they came, their big runners targeting the shoulders of Jacob Murray, Tim Lowndes and Ed Haynes. There was nothing casual in the hits as both sides wound back the years. Another turnover was forced, but this time the direct running Cillian Waldron was snagged and brought down. Phases later, Cornish won a scrum feed, and despite Arthur “Pig” Woodward and his fellow front rowers more than holding their own, a slick Cornish clearing pass found some waiting hands, from which their darty 11 scored under the posts. The scores are now even.

It started to get spicey. Ronan put the restart high and allowed the boys to pressure the catcher.

Bang.

Ade folds him.

Boom.

Jacob Murray and the now-arrived Dave Wickman double tackle their 8.

Smash.

Lachy bruises their second row’s DNA. Turnover! And in a replay of the first try, and quick series of passes through Ronan, Waldron, and Tony B’s hands finds JLo, who adds to his numbers and scores out wide. 12-7.

From here, the game slows, and the Baa Baa’s deeper bench comes into play. Bringing on their “Gout Squad”, strong Baa Baa counter rucking and a lack of Hammers shape sees an arm wrestle develop. The game i

Ade Furniss, man of the match

s close, but the Baa Baa play the territory more effectively. Ronan Murphy shows his legendary cool, calm and collected approach to Rugby, and seeks to politely share his views as to the Baa Baa 13’s carry height. You can take the boy out of Ireland, but you better put him on parole….

A Sledgehammers forary into the Baa Baa 22 is returned via a long Baa Baa counter kick. It finds the hands of Rogan who – showing everyone why he’s a front row – promptly catches then drops the ball over the sideline. The Baa baa’s lineout finally starts to function and they keep the ball away from Master of the Air Lachy. The ball goes through the hands, and phases later they score by the posts. 12-14 to the Baa Baas.

The Hammers bench empties. John Kirkham takes the 9 mantle and lays down some hate on their opposite 13. Sean Richardson starts pulling the strings from 10, but the boys are running out of bodies come ruck time and can’t secure quick ball. More Cornish pressure results, and despite Ade’s best efforts to decapitate their 15, the referee decides the “games gone soft” and penalises the boys. This time, a Baa Baas maul. They score. 12-19.

There is razzle, there is dazzle, but there are also hamstring tweaks and dead legs. Tony B limps off, while Ade Furniss needs a rest. Adam Jones threatens the line but can’t break through. Ed Farrer – with 80 minutes to play the next day on his mind – bravely breaks through, only to drop the ball close the line.  A thundering counter run down the sideline by the Baa Baas eventually leads to another score. 12-24.

The closing stages of the match feature the Hammers banging away at the Baa Baa’s line, but they run out of time.  The boys are elated though. For many, this is the first game of Rugby since before COVID, and all thoroughly enjoyed the outing and importantly, running out with their mates. Ade Furniss is awarded a well-deserved Man-of-the-Match, and Rogan a thoroughly well-deserved Dick-of-the-Day.

Onto the next game, the 14^th November!

And so it came to pass, that on the 18^th day, of the 11^th month of the 25^th year of the 21^st century, Hammersmith & Fulham did something that they had not done in several years by putting out 4 sides. The Hammers had seen a massive serge in new blood and had gone from one extreme if having to tell guys they couldn’t get a game because of lack of numbers at the start of the season, to having to tell players they couldn’t get a game because we had more players than available spaces the week before. This week, the gods were on our side and we were able to get 4 full sides out.

The opposition for the Seb Money Destroyers were a Kilburn Cosmos side that much like the destroyers, were made up of new blood and both sides were eager to put in good performances. With the toss going in favour of the Hammers, Kilburn were given the task of having to play up hill in the first half, a decision that worked in favour for the 16 visitors from South West London.

The first 20 minutes of the first half saw both teams not threatening each others try line with most of the game being played between the 2 22 meter lines. It was the Hammers however that with second row Oscar Newcombe crashing over the line from close distance to get the first score. Jordan Opie missed the conversion and the score was 5-0. This was the moment that gave Hammers a kick as Hammers soon found themselves back on the attack and after some well worked moves and carries from the hammers pack, Hammers found them selves over the line with debutant Sam Coughlan crossing the line. Jordan Opie slotted the conversion to make it 12-0

Kilburn hit back soon after and a driving maul from a lineout made it 12-5 to the Hammers. With half time soon on us Hammers pushed for another score, and this they got from another debutant in the form of number 12 Jonny Francis. This was the last score of the half.

HT Hammers 17-5 Kilburn

Hammers knew that the first score of the second half could be crucial in deciding the game and it was the strong second 20 in the first half that saw us on the attack early in the second half with Jordan Oppie crossing for another try for the Hammers to make it 22-7. With Kilburn tiring from having the uphill in the first half as well as the Hammers forwards causing havoc in the scrum, holes started to appear and after a good Hammers lineout, another debutant  Jules Story danced through the defence for his first try of the afternoon. Jordan converted to make it 29-7.

Soon after this, Hammers found them selves back on the attack and front row debutant Dan Ursell went over in the corner after a sublime crossfield kick from scrum half Seb Norris to make the score 34-7. Kilburn answered soon after and soon found themselves scoring their second try of the game to make it 34-10. Their try scorer left his mark on the nose of yet another debutant Karl Bartrum, the result was a broken nose for the back row as he coped a elbow to the nose trying to stop the try. The last play of the game saw the Hammers back in the Kilburn 22. A lineout lead to Jules Storey crossing over for his second and Hammers 7^th try of the game. The try was converted to make the final score 41-10 to the men in red.

Man-of-the-Match went to scrum half Seb Norris for controlling the game so well at 9. The boys enjoyed the victory with some well earned beer with the opo before heading back to the comfort of SW to watch the 1s and 3s in their search for victory and the hope that Club chairman will be providing beer if all teams won, we were hopeful of this after hearing of the ******* 2s 13 try thumping of Richmond. When we arrived we got to see the mighty 3s come out on top after a bruising game against Harringey but unfortunately, the 1s got sunk by a last minute try by Bracknell.

A warmer than expected mid-October day saw the Hammers take on their latest opposition in Tunbridge Wells, a team who had started the season well. With the sun shining down at Hurlingham, and anticipation was building in the hope for our first league win.

Kick off saw a pressure filled chase with the Hammers hunting their first collision. The desire to get off the line and make an impact early on was halted quickly, with our ever impressing lumberjack 7 giving away a high tackle with his first shot. A well executed lineout, some quick hands in the backs, and a good kick in behind caught the hammers cold. 7 points down after just a minute gone.

Eager to put their poor start behind them, the hammers regained possession in Tunbridge’s half, looking to build a strong attacking platform. Silly errors saw Wells turn the ball over and score a break away try. 14-0. 21-0 and then 28-0. The Hammers desperately needed t respond and gain a foothold in the game.

Finally, some possession. All 8 of the Hammers pack, aggressively working round the corner and calmly holding the ball, gave the back line their first opportunity to cause some havoc. On his 100th appearance for the club, Joe C delayed the pass perfectly allowing Jake Paul aka The Pound Shop Ibiza Boss to break the line and score. 28-7.

The match saw Joe Carolan hit 100 caps.

This momentum shift was huge, and the Hammers were hungry for more. Again, the pack stayed in the fight at maul time, and a well ‘engaged’ rumble allowed hooker Dan H over the line. 28-14. A come back on?

The first half ended 35-14 after The Hammers were caught napping down the blindside of the scrum in their 22. Despite slow start costing them early points, they remained very much alive in the fight.

The second half saw more of the same. Hammersmith absorbing lots of pressure on their own line, building pressure up the pitch, but silly mistakes costing them chances to make a dent to the scoreboard. Karma really does exist, Marshall suffering a harsh yellow card, serving him right for publicly mugging me off mid week on the group chat. HA. 😉

A classic Tim Russell counter attack was finished off, giving the Hammersmith fans and players the hunger to chase for a bonus point.

Another strong mauling effort from the Hammers pack saw our skipper crash over giving the boys a much needed and deserved try bonus point.

I think it’s fair to say there was a huge step forward in attacking presence, patience on the ball, and desire to stay in the fight for the full 80. Things are genuinely coming together, week by week, session by session, and this is reflected in the recent performances. Heading into this weekend, there should be much excitement building in this group, with 2, hopefully 3 massive fixtures.

Of course shout out to Dan & Emily on their engagement this week, and to Joe for 100 up for the club – massive congratulations to both on behalf of everyone at Hammersmith and Fulham.

#COMYH

A trip north to Pinner and Grammarians was on the cards for a very strong looking third XV. The crowd (two dogs and someone’s girlfriend) were treated to a glorious October day, and a red and white performance that was as sharp as the studs on Rob McKeon’s illegally long boots.

Pinner started brightly, moving the ball well and even threatening the Hammers’ half in the opening exchanges. But as quickly as they arrived, they evaporated — folding like a dodgy camping chair as soon as the first big carry came their way.

That carry, inevitably, came from Will Keyte. Man of the Match for a reason, he bulldozed through the middle of the park like a man late for his train and unwilling to walk around tourists. His carries had the Pinner back row checking their life insurance, and his work rate in defence was equally punishing.

The Hammers only led at half time 12-0 after a slow start, with the scores coming from Rob McKeon after a solid line out maul and Oscar Newcombe touching down after some good phase play, and truth be told were hampering themselves by trying a little too hard to score. However once the gates opened, it was a procession. A brace each from Fergus Cassidy and Gabe (surname TBC pending bar tab settlement) set the tone for a second half try-fest with the aforementioned wrecking ball Keyte completing the rout. In fairness, the boys probably left three or four more out there.

(Well, George Riley certainly did. A clear run-in, the line begging, the crowd already celebrating — and then… SPLAT. The ball hit the turf like a dropped pint. A clear-cut Dick of the Day only just beating Olly Bennett to the free pint by the skin of his teeth for doing the very same thing but only a bit further out! To coin a phrase from Al “it’s a game of inches”).

Despite the scoreboard domination, it wasn’t all rosy. Kick-off reception remains the Achilles heel of the 3s — with several restarts going uncontested, unclaimed, or simply misunderstood. Something to work on before sterner tests arrive.

In defence, however, the Hammers were granite. Pinner huffed and puffed, but the red wall stood firm. Not one single point conceded — a rare feat at this level, and a source of particular pride as the full-time whistle blew. Captain Rob McKeon, ever the showman, celebrated the clean sheet by literally handing out doughnuts to the squad afterwards — courtesy of a post-match box of Krispy Kremes. Poetry.

With fish balls and salt beef sandwiches laid out post-match (a combo someone described as “curiously Baltic”), the squad retired to the Temperance, carried by the Overground and several cans of Stella. Spirits high. Arms tired. Shirts stained.

A dominant win. A team finding its rhythm. And an ominous sign for whoever lines up across from them next.

Hammers are back baby! After a long and lonely summer, with only bright sunshine, bbq and beers, and pain-free Sunday mornings to get us through these dark and dreary months your favourite South West London amateur sports club is once again competing in Region 1 South Central and kicking off the season against newly promoted Farnham. With some new faces dotted throughout a largely familiar 1st XV, our new Director of Rugby Ryan Gregory looked to blend fresh vigour with experienced heads.

Hammers were playing into the wind and kicking off to start the match, flyhalf Ollie Weaver steps up confidently, has a few practice bounces for good measure, smoothly pulls back the right peg as he drops the ball and then… completely misses the ball. Slightly rosy cheeked, the Hammers flyhalf does his best Oliver Twist impression when he turns pleadingly to the ref to ask for just one more attempt please sir. The ref regretfully denies Mr Weaver his breakfast ball and awards a scrum to Farnham on the halfway line. Slightly bemused, the Farnham pack approaches wondering if the new Hammers head coach has come from the Rassie Erasmus school of out of the box coaching methods, and whether they are about to get a rogering at the forthcoming set piece. 2 minutes later the ball was away from the scrum cleanly, Farnhams newly promoted minds at ease that Andrew Rogan was not Thomas du Toit’s older brother and they can live with the levels of scrummaging in Regional 1 rugby.

Hammers proceeded to spend the first fifteen minutes of the game exploring every possible avenue to put themselves under pressure. We had; penalties, 50/22s, loose offloads, kicking straight to touch, missing touch from penalties, knock ons, and more. The get out of jail free card for this period was the excellence of the pack at defensive line outs. Last years barnstorming second row partnership, Seb Rivett and skipper Tom Proctor have been promoted to play 7 and 8 respectively, making way for Alex Spicer, newly returned from the antipodes where he was sent by the home office to undergo a thorough in-person inspection of the Australian unemployment line. Lining up alongside him in the engine room and providing some welcome heft at set piece is a new Hammer this year, Luke Wilson. These four proceeded to make life hell for the Farnham hooker, pinching his first three throws and forcing his next two to end up too long.

After weathering this early and self-inflicted storm, Hammers started to play some more fluent rugby. New centre partnership Sandy Duncan and Charlie Scott both carried strongly and linked together well before a contestable box kick was hoisted high by scrumhalf and eventual man-of-the-match Ben Dugdale. Several hammers pressured the Farnham fullback but Tim ‘Le Snack’ Russell rose highest to claim the ball, and then offloaded nicely out of contact to his fellow winger ‘1.6kms O’Connor’ who raced away to bag the first score of the match. Upon the resumption of play Hammers smoothly exited the restart, with another excellent chase winning a penalty in midfield which gave an attacking lineout on the Farnham 22. Hammers worked through the phases from this set piece nicely before coming back to the short side to release fullback Marshall MacLeod on the break who had Tim Russell on his shoulder to give a 2 on 1 with the fullback and Timmy strolled over to give Hammers a 12-0 lead.

After the restart and Hammers exit another Farnham overthrow at lineout time gave debutant Gus Wilbourn room to stretch his legs and he made a fine break deep into Farnham’s half, with the move only breaking down due to some illegal defence from the Farnham winger and a penalty awarded to hammers. Alas, touch was missed and Farnham worked the ball wide to break down the opposite wing. The next ten minutes were spent in the Hammers half, with both teams playing back and forth before a series of mistakes and penalties gave Farnham extended time on the Hammers line, eventually scoring out wide. It was a well-earned return from a period of extended pressure.

The next two Farnham scores were less well-earned and more gifted it has to be said. The Hammers restart went straight to touch, and from the scrum Farnham broke through in midfield to get into the Hammers 22, before spreading it wide to score again. The next restart was kept infield, and Hammers managed to get a charge down of the attempted Farnham exit. However a soft turnover in a midfield carry gave the ball back to Farnham and they kicked deep into a disorganised Hammers backfield. Scrambling to cover, MacLeod proceeded to completely guddle the catch straight into the path of two Farnham chasers who couldn’t believe their luck and hacked the ball all the way to the hammers try line and only some tidy defensive cover from Ben Dugdale saved a score. However it was merely a stay of execution as Farnham got the shove on from the 5m scrum before their number 8 picked and carried over to score. Hammers were reeling from this rapid fire trio of scores and went into the sheds at halftime 12-17 down, having been in complete control at the 30 minute mark.

In the second half the game opened up a fair bit although still played mostly between the 22s, both teams feeling the strain of the first real 40 mins of the season and gaps opening up. Hammers had brought on substitutes Dan Whitaker, Dan Hostetler, and Emile Binse and all three brought energy and aggression. Farnham struck first, a halfbeak through the tackle followed by an excellent offload and a missed tackle in backfield and they were under the sticks again to go 12-24 ahead. Time for some Gallic flair. A set piece move off a Hammers scrum, with an excellent offload from Charlie, and then great hands from Tim and Miles sent Emile scampering down the left wing, before he pulled off a one handed offload back in to Miles that was more french than an adulterous snail surrendering in a garlic field. Miles scored in the corner and at 17-24 the game was back on.

With their tails up, Hammers forced repeated penalties from the Farnham defence resulting in a yellow card but could not turn this pressure into points. Farnham turned the tables with two lineout steals on the bounce, before Alex Spicer confused his support runners with an attempted goosey in midfield, and as they stared astonished Farnham managed to pilfer possession. From this turnover Farnham broke down the left wing before spreading the ball across and scoring on the right side, 17-29. From the restart Emile and Timmy broke down the wing unfortunately the finishing pass just wasn’t held, but a Farnham penalty gave Hammers a lineout deep in their 22. The call was to the back (shock) and a well executed throw and maul rumbled over the line, conversion made leaving it 24-29.

For the last five minutes Hammers fought hard to get into the Farnham half and were putting pressure on them through multiple strong carries and quick phases however a knock on in dead time killed their hopes of a comeback. Credit to Farnham, a very strong start at Regional 1 and if they continue to take their chances as they did at Hurlingham Park then Hammers will not be the last scalp they claim this season. Hammers were hot and cold, at times looking resplendent and at others with more cobwebs than Rogan’s wallet when he finally gets a round in. Hammers go away to Maidenhead next week and then host Old Alleynians at Hurlingham.