2s win the first leg of the of the Duel of the Deuces!

It was a sunny November Saturday — calm, almost peaceful, despite the epic battle about to unfold.

Captained by Tom Hughes — perhaps the only Welshman currently associated with winning rugby — the Hammers 2nd XV took to the field for what was shaping up to be a brutal contest against Jersey’s travelling side.

From the outset, Hammers established dominance. The defensive line remained unbroken all game — not due to tactical excellence, but because everyone was too terrified of being decapitated by Andrew Camilleri at 15.

To their credit, Jersey fought well throughout, with several strong runners testing the line. But it wasn’t long before Anushan sliced through under the posts for the first try of the afternoon. From that moment, Jersey’s resistance began to fade.

On one kickoff, Nursey charged downfield, launched himself around eight feet into the air, and batted the ball backwards. The ball hit an oppositions hand and flew forward into the hands of Harry Tate, who strolled past shocked defenders to score. It was, by all accounts, an entirely planned and rehearsed move.

Nursey later produced another memorable moment, running the full length of the pitch before deciding that grounding the ball under the posts was simply too much effort, despite the entire team’s encouragement to do so.

A strong carry from Hugo then left defenders scattered across the turf. He followed it up with a desperate offload, muttering a silent prayer as the ball left his hands. His prayer was answered by none other than prop/winger Valerio. Travelling just below terminal velocity, Valerio caught the ball one-handed, winked, and thundered through to score in the corner.

The final score came from a dominant Hammers scrum, which rumbled over the line with serious force.

Sensing what was to come, Jersey called the match five minutes early — reportedly to watch the 1sts game, but more likely out of fear of witnessing the full might of the ******* 2’s

Post-Match
Dick of the Day: Harry Tate, for scoring a try and being an Aussie.
Man of the Match: Anushan was awarded man of the match by the opposition for having the largest piece in English rugby – how they confirmed this remains a mystery…