Hammers 5s v Twickenham – Match Report

Warmer temperatures graced West London as the V’s looked to turn up their own season to inferno-like temperatures away at Twickenham. The hosts were sat above us in 2nd and hadn’t lost for some time.

The Hammers began well keeping possession and battering away at the oppo line. Soon SBW spotted a ginger Devin Toner in the line and gleefully skipped through before a never before seen, chip and chase resulted in a line out to Twickenham around their 5 metre line.

After good yards from Whitechapel and Paul Davey, the Hammers were soon over the line with a tap and go from Wyss.

With a 5-0 lead the next 20mins or so found the hammers stuck in their own half, but essentially defending like troopers. An embarrassing call for the posts from a Twickenham penalty resulted in an even more embarrassing miss and they were about to be taught a lesson for that decision. A no.8 scrum pick up in the hammers own half got momentum going before the Mitchell brothers combined majestically with Whitechapel who went over to finish a move that started some 75 yards back. Taking the V’s in 10-0 at the break.

An emerging theme for the game became the lack of kicker for the hammers. 6 different men did step forth. 6 different kicks. 6 misses to touch……despite that we got back up their end and after great composure on the line it came down to no.8 vs winger, at which point there was a cry of “lord have mercy upon my soul” and a try was indeed scored.

The tempo of the game was extremely high it must be said, and finally the oppo broke through after a few shirt grabbing attempts in the backs and some twinkle toes from Butter Beans Bigger Brother rounding a tired Hammer. With 20 left the score was 15-5

Keeping things calm and looking after the ball paid off soon after, with the defence being sucked in by the forward ball carriers, Jamie Drysdale skipped through a tackle or two 35 yards out and touched down for a welcomed bit of meat.

With 10 left most of us could barely stand, but with some quick thinking and quicker feet from Charlie Allen, sniping from the ruck and a deft offload combining with the basketball training of Whitechapel, paid off as he weaved through again for 30-40 yards out and go under the posts to bury a now feebled Twickenham. With Stiven Danby now on the pitch, the extras were slotted to make the final score 29-5.

Al Hamilton – 7

Ever elusive in the loose, but a solid front row performance must be attributed to some of his good work in that area.

Stiven Danby – 6

Suggestions of mis-placed hair straighteners led to a late arrival and a brief appearance off the bench for this usual starter. His place-kicking boot was missed in the first half for sure.

Angus Hortop – 7

A very solid day around the park with some effective carries to go with being a part of a very sturdy front row action.

James Mitchell – 9

Two vital turnovers bailed the team out when under pressure in their own half on both occasions. Plenty of hard yards made with ball in hand and robust in defence as usual.

Dan Kenney – 7

Busy all over the park. An all around positive outing minus the headlock tackle.

Michael Cusition – 9

Firing into the line like a freshly polished shotgun. Hitting as hard as a bucking horse, whose brains had just been introduced to a led filled cartridge or two. Relentless.

Jack Mitchell – 8

Thrived as the game become more broken up in the second half. Some textbook chop tackles helping his side gain turnover or two.

Mark Wyss- 8

Ton of yards made and two meat pies. Couple of defensive lapses against smaller ratty opposition who didn’t fancy running straight.

Charlie Allen – 6

This young man dealt well with the frequent change of position throughout the game, before finding himself delivering a few pee-roller passes at scrum-half in the latter stages of the game. Thrives best in open space – similar to Gareth Thomas.

Antoine Bourgalt – 7

The extra protein shake before the game really helped him deliver a solid first half, feeding his runners with succulent ball at all times. Sadly he went a bit too ‘Va Va Room’ and tackled a player before retreating 10 – resulting in a yellow card for the flamboyant Frenchman.

Felix Whitechapel – 8

Came on strong when it mattered with two second half tries to shut out the game. Top notch support running.

Ben Hubert – 5

Some catching practise (and Beta Blockers) may need to be involved in next weeks training schedule.

Paul Davey – 7

A very strong first half, weaving his way around like a hyperactive scatty scuttlebutt, making great yards in the opposite 22. Few link up problems with his inside man made for a more quiet second half. Defensively very sound.

Jamie Drysdale – 7

The man known as the ‘Bolton Basher’ held his own very well against in the first half, before really coming alive in the second half with a try to really take the game away from Twickenham. A performance to re-ignite the memories of Kevin Maggs romping down the park.

Rory Newton – 9

Not featuring too often in the match (through not fault of his own), the brother of Peter Saigen and cousin of Naro Quintana showed excellent decision making and pace to run the ball back from deep well into the opposition half. He looks to have made the right choice in hanging up the racquet and switching sports.

Betram Darcy – 6

A good effort late on in the match. Otherwise, probably the most sexy linesman I’ve ever seen.

Michele Bongiorni – 6

Some good bursts of pace, and often demonstrated the guile of Diego Dominguez. Caught napping a little on a grubber kick through, but otherwise very solid from our favourite y-front model.

Man Of The Match:

Michael Cusition

Tin Man:

Antoine Bourgault


Wyss (2), Whitechapel (2), Drysdale.