Final-play heartbreak for Hammers 1st XV

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After a comfortable win against a depleted KCS last weekend, the Hammers were determined to maintain this run of form and take this renewed momentum into the game against Guildford. It wouldn’t be a clear path, as no path is in this league, especially as Guildford were fresh of the back of having turned over London Welsh. The last time we met, it came right down to the final whistle after a spirited fight back from Guildford nearly saw them steal 3 points from The Hammers. In many ways, the nail-biting end to the last meeting would ultimately be the writing on the wall for our second encounter.

In what was one of the strongest and fastest starts to the season, the word on everyone’s mind (thanks to Steve Harris having repeated it 48 times during the warm up), was accuracy. This word encapsulated the first 10 minutes. Hearty goal line defence, ultimately led to a turnover for the Hammers and an additional 60 metres in territory thanks to a Joe Carolan banana kick special. After a textbook line out call, Zander collected the ball with panache welcoming his counterparts to a driving maul that replicated the power and speed of a rumbling Sherman tank. After a line-breaking, positive carry through the heart of the Guildford Centre partnership from Cillian, we were on top of them. After another rumbling line out drive, rolling and spinning out of danger and passing the ball back with precision, we eventually dotted down over the line. Gus finishing off what had been an impressive passage from Hammers. After JC added the extras, Hammers led 7-0 with only 6 mins gone.

Despite the momentum swinging strongly in the favour of Hammersmith and Fulham, following the rampant start that had earned them the lead, it wasn’t to be held for long. After what had initially seemed like an impenetrable wall of defensive strength, Guildford were beginning to uncover the chinks. After a missed tackle from Henry “likes to tackle too high” Martin, Guildford were on the front foot, and following two successful, well placed offloads, were in under the sticks. With no dramas on tough angles, the extras were added and the game was back to even-stevens at 7-7.

The game was shaping up to be a great game for the neutral. After some sustained “fight back” pressure in the opposition half, Hammers won a well-deserved penalty that JC converted to add another 3 to the scoreboard and put Hammers back in the driving seat. Despite this early excitement, what ensued was frenetic and panicked play from both sides. Several times Hammers strung together double figure phases, but didn’t seem to be going anywhere or making any yardage. What frustratingly followed time and time again was a turnover or a mistake that gifted possession back over to Guildford. The one saving Grace, was that Guildford’s line-out ball was as good as Hammer’s line-out ball with the Hammer’s line-out organisation performing as a finely oiled machine.

Guildford were much the same, with several clean line breaks ultimately leading to very little, despite their “French of old” style offloading strategy making them yards. Hammers scrambled well defensively, but as Clarkey pointed out on the sideline, you shouldn’t have to “scramble well” if you’re first up tackling is stronger. To add further speed bumps to the mix just before half time, Cillian and Henry both went down with shoulder injuries, and with no backs subs to come in and fill the positions, Harry “would actually probably prefer to be a centre anyway” Scar stepped up to the mark. Half-time score, 10-7.

Fresh out of the changing rooms, both teams were determined to shake up the rhythm of the game and style of play that had plagued the first half. Admittedly this was to no avail, and after 15 minutes of further sparring, Guildford were the team to make the breakthrough. After several phases of spirited Hammers defence, Guildford’s winger capitalised on a heavy overlap to dot over in the corner. With a harsh wind and a tough angle, the extras went begging. 10-12 to Guildford.

As if sparked back into life, Hammers started playing again. Several carries from Tim “Neowww” Russell scared the living life out of the Guildford back three, a fear that eventually came to fruition when a blind-side set piece move off the back of a strong Hammers scrum went from Ben England, to Rosco, to Hoops who delightfully put away Tim into the corner (carrying three of the Guildford players with him). With a difficult kick to come, everyone knew just how important an additional 2 could be on a game this tight. JC, unphased by the difficulty of the kick, slotted it with perfection and brought Hammer’s important added extras. 17-12 to Hammer’s, with half an hour to go.

The final half an hour would be a tough affair with Guildford determined to snatch victory from the jaws of defeat. But with every Guildford carry, Hammers met them with line speed and determination to continue to hold out. Sean “I hurt my back not playing rugby” McMahon and Alex “whiter than white” Hart in particular were hungry to send someone to the ER. There was also an iconic try saving moment from Rich “wonder who his brother is” Vaughn which was met without thunderous cheering from the sidelines and the pitch.

One of the standout moments of the game, that will no doubt go down in the annuls of Hammers history as being marred with controversy, came in the final 10-mins and may well have proved the difference. After a lovely hold up pass from Zander, Marshall “prefers touch” McCloud showed a majestic turn of pace to get outside the last defender and to twinkle-toe his way down the touch line. Despite raucous celebrations and cheers of elation to all who witnessed it, the fairytale was not meant to be. A late swing of the arm from the Hammer’s linesman would deny what would likely have been the try of the game and the deal sealer.

As if M Night Shyamalan was writing the script, there was one last plot twist that would throw the result on its head. After unsuccessfully securing the last scrum on a Hammers put in, one last opportunity presented itself to the Guildford players. With the clock in the red, Guildford mounted one final assault at the Hammers gate, and after several phases of offloads and gain line attack, managed to force themselves over in the corner. 17-17, with the kick to come. In what appeared to defy the laws of physics and kicker ability, what seemed an impossible kick, crept its way over and the final whistle blew. 17-19, to Guildford RFC.

With points unsecured, and Hammers 4th place credentials hanging in the balance, it’s time for the Hammers boys to lick their wounds clean ahead of what will be a tough away game against Chichester next week.

 

Full time: Hammersmith and Fulham RFC 17 – 19 Guildford RFC

Hammers 3rd XV set the artificial grass alight at Chiswick

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A slightly disappointed Hammers 3s took the short trip down the road to Chiswick, instead of heading into town to play at the nicest pitch in London, and funnelled that disappointment into a dominant display of running rugby. Some of the boys had clearly struggled to get out of bed for the pre 6 Nations 12pm KO but once they saw the all-weather pitch being baked in sun they perked up knowing this was a great chance to get back on the win train.

The game started perfectly with debutant Harry Bower clinching the opening kick-off over the heads of the opposition allowing MOTM Will Brentnall to crash through a few shellshocked HAC defenders, Sandy Duncan to pull the defence from one side of the pitch to another before Will finished the move off tumbling over the try line whilst apparently being hit by a sniper at the paintball ground next door.

Hammers built on this momentum and continued to push the opposition hard with winger George Nellany and number 8 Rory Gibson finishing excellent phase play with tries of their own. With the forwards getting bored of (ie tired from) all the open play towards the end of the first half, Captain Matthew Jones called for a kick to the corner and a maul of the subsequent lineout before rumbling over himself to give Hammers a 22-0 lead at half time.

With the wind behind us and the sun in the oppositions eyes the boys were very confident going into the second half however HAC weren’t giving up without a fight and seized on a mistake and some sloppy defending to score their opening try. This gave the boys the kick they needed and George Nellany scorched his way through their defence from his own half to score his second try of the day. HAC dug deep and kept playing putting the Hammers’ defence to the test but it held true with fullback Ed James and scrum half Daniel Gispert making great cover tackles on numerous occasions.

The game became very loose in the final quarter with the pace of the play catching up with those less used to the 4G surface but barring a scare from DotD George Nellany, when he offloaded the ball before going into touch to HAC’s best player, Hammers controlled the game and field position with Ed James scoring to take the final score to 36-7. A good team performance from the boys with three great debuts from Harry Bower, Chris Hudson and Tom Hodges putting us all in a great mood for an afternoon of 6 Nations rugby and the run in for the rest of the season.

The win puts Hammers 3s back into 2nd place in the table before our final three games which start with hosting Ealing 1871 2nd XV this weekend before must win games against Hampstead and Old Streetonians to ensure a place in the end of season finals.

Overall a good game played in great spirit and with respect by both teams which is even more important after the tragic news of Jack Jeffery from Evesham, a club who I have played against a number of times and where I have a few friends, from the weekend. The whole of Hammersmith and Fulham RFC extend their condolences to Jack’s family and Evesham RFC at this difficult time and share your grief with the rest of the rugby community.

 

Final Score 36-7

Tries – George Nellany (x2), Ed James, Matthew Jones, Rory Gibson, Will Brentnall

Conversions – Ed James (3/6)

Man of the Match – Will Brentnall

DotD – George Nellany for keeping the ball in play by passing it to their best player

Hammers cop a hiding at the hands of Farnham

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Hammersmith and Fulham’s 15th league game of the season came after a turbulent time for the Hammers, a frustrating loss to Medway and a triumphant win at London Irish. A sinusoidal start to say the least. In the return fixture at Hurlingham Park, Farnham put in a dominant performance, only to be undone by an efficient and ruthless Hammers back line on the day. Their powerful but lacklustre performance in October would prove to be motive for revenge.

The visitors started strong with an excellent carry by the Benjamin Button of SW6, Peter Bicknell. A talismanic line break pushed the Hammers into Farnham’s own 22 and with a penalty advantage, the audacious Joe Caravan attempted a cross field to winger Tim Russell. The wind gusted at the wrong moment, and he ended up with his face in the dirt and the ball floating out into touch, an ominous foreshadowing of things to come. The ensuing lineout showed great promise and a magnificent maul was stopped just short of the try-line. Scrappy and unstructured play allowed Farnham to clear their lines and thus ended the only promising Hammers attack for the day.

What transpired was an abysmal performance that even the new Veo technology couldn’t bear to watch, preferring instead to admire the Farnham 2’s.Farnham played smartly, carried strongly and kicked effectively. The fateful moment came from an kick from the Farnham 12, 5 metres outside his own 22. A disastrous attempt from Tim Russell to keep the ball in play gifted the Black and Whites a lineout well in the Hammers own 22. Two scrums later and Farnham scored down the blindside. 7 – 0.

The conditions restricted the Hammers from their usually free-flowing style of play to one up carries and dropped balls. More aggressive scrummaging and some handy kicking from Farnham, another try soon fell. 14 – 0 and this is where the day really started to slip away from the Hammers. Debutante Matt Newman received some cheese for an inconvenient (and almost surely accidental) hand in the tackle. Several minutes later Andrew Rogan was given his marching orders also, clearly feeling Matt was lonely on the side-lines. Blighted by injuries already, Hammersmith and Fulham had no replacement front row, uncontested scrums were called, and the Hammers lost another due to Law 3.15 (Scenario 2) in code. Therefore, Rich Vaughan kindly stepped off the pitch to join the growing ranks and more importantly leaving only a dozen Hammers to play. Another try out wide for Farnham left it 21 – 0 at half-time.

The only credit to a poor first half display was a 10-minute period at the start of the second half when the Hammers were down to twelve. Somehow, they kept the Black and White’s at an arm’s length and prevented them from scoring, despite the three-man deficit. Joe Caravan put in a notable try saving tackle on the left wing. After a gritty display and back up to full numbers, surely it would be the beginning of a comeback? The Hammers notoriously put a few late surges in to win before Christmas. Alas! The boys from Fulham conceded immediately on returning to a full outfit. 28 – 0.

Captain Fantastic, Mr Caravan, proved why he is the top scorer this season and reduced the embarrassment for a split second. He showed that the Hammers can score tries, and even convert them, when he picked off an intercepted Farnham pass and ran in from the halfway line. 28 – 7. This was to be the last ‘hurrah’. Three more converted tries later and the Hammers were extremely relieved to hear the final whistle go. The final score 49 – 7, a real hiding for the Hammers.

Credit is due to the Farnham side for excelling in every aspect of the game over the Hammers, and their tough season has paid dividends. Placed 11th now, this was not a display for a team nearer the bottom of the table. The Hammers must now regroup and prepare for a tough game against KCS Old Boys next weekend, the aim is vengeance from their loss in September. The Hammers are still in 4th spot in London 1 South, but the gaps are becoming negatively inclined. Notable performances amongst a dire squad were Huw Parks, Sean McMahon and MOTM Peter Bicknell.

Fulltime: Farnham RUFC 49 – 7 Hammersmith and Fulham RFC

Hammers 1st XV put on a show against London Irish

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With the dust having settled from the weekend before, which left many through the camp deflated, a palpable sense of redemption was in the air; the latest battle a mere few hours away. A wise man once said, “The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall” and it was time for Hammersmith and Fulham to rise.

The sun began to set behind the horizon on a cold January afternoon, and the chosen men of Hammersmith and Fulham RFC landed their vessels on the shores of a common foe, London Irish Wild Geese. Walking out to the battle ground, last week’s Somme-like conditions a mere figment in the memories, with this week’s track the envy of the finest dance floors up and down the country, as if the groundsman of Lords and the most talented carpet fitters in the land had woven a surface so perfect for rugby, even Saint Fiacre of Breuil could merely dream of. The light dwindling and the pre match festivities over, in the depths of their barracks, the men of Hammersmith tightened the boots and adorned their armour, all be it the wrong kit due to an error of Poultonic proportions.

A crowd gathered, and silence rang around only pierced by the referee’s whistle to commence conflict. The ball was in play and a game was afoot. The first blow struck by the Irish hoard, as they regathered possession from the kick-off, and proceeded the march forth towards the hammers line. Repelled by stoic defence, the geese came time and time again, before the drawbridge did fall and the barricades of hammersmith were breached. First blood drawn. 7-0. From the off Hammersmith’s resident back rowers of Harry Scarr, Sean McMahon and Steve John , clearly on loan from the local logging company, had come to fell some Irish birch, and down they did fall. Back and forward with no gain from either side, a stalemate on the western front. Until an unknown beast used all his speed and ferocity to leave a trail of geese in its wake. A beast of golden flair, but what was this creature that could spring with the quickness of lightening. A buck escaped from Richmond Park? or a stallion bolting towards the finish line? Maybe the mane was a lion? But no, a badger, a honey badger! 7-7 the Hammers were back, and Rich Vaughan had claimed another for his meat pie collection.

Like two matched boxers the geese and the hammers played host to trading blows momentarily. Using our front row of Ed Wynne, Ricky Drewitt, and Jacob Poulton as battering rams, and a centre partnership as if David and Goliath had joined forces; the hammers continued to press. A strike from the boot of our captain saw the Irish line forced backwards. However, it was about to get worse for this gaggle of geese, soon to be rendered a mere raft of ducks. Again, a dart from the golden maned honey badger saw yet more geese drop out of the sky, and this hungry badger score another meat pie. 7-15. This was not to be the last quack from the Irish wild geese, their industrious escapades deep into the hammersmith territory fruited reward in a try that could only be described as “the third try of the game”. 14-15.

Down the left-hand flank, Hammersmith released the hounds of hell, and overcome by the spirits of the American frontier, the fastest hands in west, the ball was passed back and forth, turning the Irish defenders left and right. From one to another, Fijian offloading the dish of the day, and served up a plenty to see hammers dive over in the corner. But wait, do my eyes deceive me? Do these beasts come in pairs? Had Hammersmith and Fulham played Noah and brought them in two-by-two? Deep in Irish territory the hammers had just unleashed their ace in the pack, their tastiest snac, their two-pronged honey badger attack, Tim Russel the beneficiary. 14-20.

The Hammersmith line as strong as ever took the fight to the Irish defence once more, with attacks coming from all angles, only time would be the barrier for the hammers. Sustained bombardment behind enemy line saw the ref blow loud awarding Hammersmith a penalty, up steps the assassin from full back, Pete Morris. Irish wild geese lay strewn around, wings clipped, and beaks shattered, the insult to be added by a quick tap, and a pass to his fortunate comrade, captain Joe Carolan, to waltz under the sticks and put to bed a half the geese were praying to end. 14-27

The half came and the bombardment from either team halted, as breaths were drawn, and the wounded tended to. Cries out for “more” rang throughout the Hammer’s ranks. Come the second half, and a renewed Irish team had come to play, the accelerator pedals untouched by the Hammersmith contingent. Darting breaks, slick hands, and attritional carries became the order of the day. No team could break the stale mate. A line out firing on all cylinders kept the geese at bay, with a defensive line that refused to be broken. Only time would stand in the way of Hammersmith now, and the clock was about to strike. A metronomic advance into the Irish 22 the prequel for what was to come. The move started by the reliable dartsman of Ricky Drewitt, bamboozling the Irish forwards to send Dr.John crashing in behind. With honey badgers in tow, the backs were called upon. Bodies ran left and right, the geese dazzled, opened a gap as if Moses could part this green sea too. Through went a hungry honey badger sniffing for a meat pie, to scavenge his second, Tim Russel no less. A highlight that will live long in the memory. 14-34.

The sound of pints being poured in the bar gave spirit to the tired bodies on the field, but the final whistle was blown putting an end to the game. Hammersmith and Fulham the victors, the country road with take us home today, and eyes now look to the next crusade; To Farnham we ride.

Hammers 3s unlucky against strong London New Zealand

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The Hammers headed to London Zealand for an important top of the table clash which could be crucial in deciding the table come the end of the year.

A strong start by the Kiwis and some lack of discipline from the Hammers meant we were soon pinned in our own 22, and after a strong drive off a scrum they were soon over in the corner. Hammersmith responded well and quick ball provided by the forwards, Adam Crompton found a gap in the midfield to score. Despite this solid response, Kiwis made a break down the left to score again, things got worse as Sam Nursey was sent to the bin for a high tackle

Despite being a man down, excellent possession and phase play meant that Hammers kept up the pressure. Quick rucks sucking the defenders and nice hands to spin the ball wide, space opened up for Adam to run in for his second try of game. With Simon ‘Tyson Fury’ Irwin back on the pitch despite being carried off 10 minutes earlier and strong attacking play out wide momentum was with Hammers going into half time

Half Time: London Kiwis 14 – Hammersmith 12

The second half started strongly with both teams playing some good stuff, including number 8 Jacob Lloyd channeling his inner fly-half getting involved with the backs moves meant the Hammers were on the front foot. However, some typical Kiwi offloads and strong running from the number 8 meant London Zealand soon scored to get back in front. The next 10 minutes were pretty tough as LNZ span the ball wide exceptionally well and scored two quickfire tries to take a commanding lead

Hammers never give up though and still we toiled away, eventually with winger Will barging through a couple of tackles to score in the corner, and then Chris Ralph showing his usual speed and step to cross. However it was not to be as the clock went red with Hammers still trailing, but the hard graft at end made sure to secure 2 bonus points meaning its still all to play for at the top of the table

Final Score: London Kiwis 32 – 24 Hammersmith

Motm: Adam Crompton

Dotd: Sam Nursey

 

Hammers 3s down Hackney

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A crisp Saturday morning saw Hammers 3rd XV face Hackney down at Hurlingham park. Hammers were looking to close the gap on New Zealand Kiwis and Hackney were looking for a big win to boost them up the table.

Once the team groundsmen Ben England and Matt Jones had finished filling the pitch with their bucket and spades the boys got underway with the ref trotting out just before kick off after being stuck in traffic for a couple of hours. The hammers started well and played some nice phases up the pitch before Sam Nursey eventually put the ball down after realising he had indeed crashed over the line. The first 10 minutes had been all hammers, but the next 30 were a different story. After some close and gritty defending in our 22 the hammers managed to set up a few nice phases with Adam Crompton finding himself in space on the outside and diving over the line. Both conversions were missed, 10-0. The remainder of the first half was all Hackney, and despite some resilient defending around the rucks, including multiple shots from the Spanish omelette Dan, the pick and goes eventually got too much for the Hammers and Hackney pulled back a try. Despite more Hackney pressure the boys were able to keep Hackney out for the remainder of the half, with some huge hits from Ben England and Luke Kavanagh keeping them at bay. The score was 10-5 at the break.

An inspiring team talk from the captain Jonesy at half time had the boys rallied up for a big second half where we were hoping to seal a much needed bonus point win. The kick off was collected and run deep into the Hackney half from Rob Vaughan and the resulting phases saw Hackney scrambling and eventually the flying Scotsman Dougy Maxwell was able to bulldozer his way over the line for his 8652nd try of his career. The first half had been all Hackney but the second half was a different tale. Some exquisite line out moves orchestrated by Adam Stannard and executed perfectly all day by Nick Kramers set up some lovely phases of play for the hammers in the second half. Spreading the ball wide on multiple occasions and causing real trouble for Hackney out wide. A darting run and score from Dami Sotinwa saw a great move rounded off as well as another score from Adam Crompton. A couple of tries by finding gaps in the middle from Adam Heaps and Ben England saw the Hammers in control.  We finally found a player with his kicking boots on and Sandy was able to slot the kicks for us to sit at 39-5. However, a late miss-kick from the hammers saw Hackney run the ball back at pace and with excellent support and manage to get over the line again making the score 39-10.

A much needed bonus point win to take us within reaching distance of the New Zealand Kiwis who happen to be our next fixture. A resilient Hackney put up a great fight, especially in the first half and we wish them the best of luck for the rest of the season.

After some dazzling runs Sam Nursey was named MOTM and this weeks DOD was Rob Vaughan for stealing playing shirts (naughty).

Hammers’ 2s walk in the Park

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As your author sits down after a tough day at work, kicking back with a cup of tea and some country music in the background, he reminisces on another Saturday at Hurlingham Park;

Hammers 2XV came into the weekend of a strangely disappointing to 0-22 victory at Old Haberdashers (Via Harpenden), where some poor execution and discipline cost us a precious bonus point which would have seen us top the Middlesex Premier Division, 1 point ahead of rivals Belsize Park II’s. But here we are, honours even, and everything to play for.

A few enforced changes through availability, injury and call ups to the 1st XV meant a much changed XV, with a new look pack and a very handsome 9/10 partnership. All of this meant absolutely nothing as we gave a penalty away straight off the kick off, before regaining the ball off the resulting line out, only to lose the ball again inside our 22, allowing Rosslyn Park to bundle over to open the scoring early on.

Rocket, meet arse. The boys got their acts together, the backs looking very slick off set plays, cutting through the RP defence at will, with Cillian Waldron cutting brilliant lines (when he caught the ball), hat trick hero Jack Hooper looking untouchable out wide and James Maddigan introducing anyone coming down his channel to his large shoulders and the inexplicably firm January turf.

Tries began to flow with a mixture of power in the forwards, namely MOTM Adam Scaff, who must have ended the match with 100 meters made from Kick Off returns alone; and slick hands coupled with dangerous running in the backs. Tries from Alex Hart, Captain Cook, Max Dugdale Ash Mitchell, Joe Crawley and Jack Hooper x 3 were complimented by 4 conversions from Ben Dugdale who contests he would have finished the day with 100% success off the tee, had the balls been regulation PSI. Special shoutout to debutant Hugh Symons, who helped himself to a slice of Cheddar in the first half for some cynical play around the breakdown, I’m sure it was deserved.

A lesser author would have waxed lyrical about their try, midway through the 2nd half, spotting a gap in the overfolding defence, stepping inside, spinning a defender and calmly finishing under the sticks. Alas, in reality it was a 4 on 2 and I probably should have passed, but did Tom Vardell become the Premiership All Time try-scorer by executing simple 4 on 2’s`? No he did not.

Some superb team play throughout the game could have led to some serious highlights for this report, only for someone to drop the ball or the ref to blow up for something else, just shy of the line. Jack Hooper scored the games best try, finding space on the outside, stepping through a few tackles and finishing well. It was a good team performance, with the defence a very pleasing highlight despite conceding 2 tries, with feeling in the camp after the game that this side still had another gear to go.

MOTM – Adam Scaff DOTD – Hugh Symons

Onwards to Regents Park this weekend where we will face fellow title challengers Belsize Park. Lets hope the tubes are running.

Hammers fall short against Medway

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 The Hammers approached their game of 2022 with a spring in their step. With our resident Doctor officially describing Omicron as “finished”, it was to be our first game in a month. And what a game to head straight into. 3rd Vs 4th. Win and the Hammers would take 3rd and be looking at chasing the top two of Camberley and London Welsh. Lose and Medway would open up a decent gap, leaving the Hammers marooned on the desert island of 4th. Five new year training sessions under the belt, coach Jacko having detailed at length what was at stake, and a new fines system being enforced, the boys were feeling confident and ready to attack our visitors from Kent.

The first few minutes were played at quite the pace. The Hammers launched an attack from deep and got on the outside of the Medway defence, making yards but our experienced winger JLo (no one really knows exactly how old he is) was guilty of coughing up the ball. The Hammers’ right-wing played witness to the battle of the honey badgers. Timmy ‘Le Snack’ Russell, so impressive all season long, came up against his doppelganger. On this occasion, the Kentish imitator got the upper-hand (-off) in, making a break before smartly recycling possession on the Hammers’ 5-yard line. 2 phases later and some good handling had Medway over in the corner.

Rapidly, a Caravan special kick-off, followed by some ill-discipline on their own 10m line meant that the boys in Red & White were 8-0 down. The Hammers needed a response and got one via a rare line-out maul try. A good dart by Gus to the back and a well-constructed maul saw big Ed cross the whitewash. 8-7 and the Hammers were in the game.

This was to prove a false dawn. Medway kicked well, which can’t be said of the Hammers’ backline, regularly turning a reformed back-three after Lav went off early with a nasty rib injury. With a solid platform at set-piece, they attacked with structure to score once more, going in 15-7 at the break.

Early in the second-half, the Hammers suffered a major blow, with Gus Brown suffering a head knock and taking a pew on the bench. With no specialist hooker on the bench, Andrew ‘The Hinge’ Rogan plonked himself into the middle of the scrum, with Poulton assuming line-out throwing duties for the first time in his long and storied playing career. Whilst the line-out held out OK, Medway turned the screw at scrumtime, earning themselves two further tries, with the Hammers securing only another lineout maul in return.

The game ended in further ignominy, with star winger JLo suffering a hamstring tear which we hope heals quickly.

Final Score: Hammers 12 – 29 Medway

Hammers 2nd XV defeat Old Habs

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The day arrived with optimism a plenty as the highly anticipated away bus trip to Harpenden RFC (playing host to our opposition Old Hab’s due to waterlogged pitches) was only a matter of hours, maybe minutes away for the 20 men of Hammersmith and Fulham Rugby Football Club 2XV.

 

Unfortunately, like all great stories, life doesn’t always go to plan, and it seemed as if the protagonist at the local bus company decided to have a few too many bottles of Lambrini on his Friday night off. Minutes past, numerous trips to the 8 bells urinals followed, and with coffee disseminating through the bowels, still no bus. Captain Cook gathered the troops in a circle to deliver the fatal blow that no bus would be arriving, and that alternative forms of transport should be sourced to deliver the men to the boggy marshes of Harpenden RFC.

The local Uber drivers couldn’t believe their luck when the men came calling, with 100 quid each for 2 hours work, to fund the rest of their weekend behind the wheel, racing each other on the M1. A short and blunt warm up followed, with a few too many interjections from Conductor Nugget and the team were left with no choice but to try and deliver a 50-nil mauling of the opposition….

The Hammers men started well, dominating possession and territory, without much avail before Ricky ‘White Line Fever’ Drewitt got himself on the back of a rolling lineout maul before finding himself ‘held up’. Whilst the match adjudicator enjoyed his pre match discussion with the boys, he forgot to mention that his subscription to Specsavers had actually expired before Covid in 2019. Finally, after some slick hands from HFRFC’s answer to Damian McKenzie, the Hammers got their reward with a 5 pointer in the corner from the author of this report. Nothing else of note really happened in the first half so we will pause there.

At half time, a shuffle of the deck saw some changes to the back line, and the introduction to the field of the ‘stockier’ kamikaze twin, Max Dugdale, for his debut. With the opposition confused, the Dugdale’s started to bamboozle, and the ball started to go wider and wider, with more points following from Mr White Line Fever himself, who finished the game with a double. 22-0 to the boys with 5 to go, and one score needed for the coveted BP win. As the opposition pushed for any form of consolation, the author found himself on the floor, being pinned down by what can only be described as an angry testosterone fuelled young man, with 2 yellow cards following, and 2 DOTD nominations in the clubhouse. No more scores and the game finished like a damp squid, and with some disappointment from the Hammers men- hopefully this wouldn’t have any bearing when the season concludes in April.

What followed can only be described as an evening of wonderful entertainment, headed up by some excellent pirate jokes from Rich Vaughan, a dodgy impending intercourse story involving someone’s sister from an unnamed source, and some exquisite piano playing at Kings Cross St Pancras Station by Ben Osgood, followed by a good old game of ‘d* y** t*** i* u* the *******’ where every player got an opportunity to vent away the day’s frustrations on their fellow colleagues.

Full time: HFRFC 22-0 Old Habs

Another miraculous come-from-far-behind win for the Hammers 1st XV

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Eighteen men sit around a changing room. They are in unfamiliar lands, yet in all too familiar territory. Forty minutes have passed and even now, the wear of battle has begun to take its toll. At the general’s command, eighteen men stand to attention, bearing crimson wounds to match crimson jerseys. Could everything be put on the line so months of grit and toil would not be in vain? That was something only they could decide.

As the eighteen men march out to determine their destiny, the scoreboard in the distance reads 19-0 to Cobham.

Record scratch

Freeze frame 

Intro to Baba O’Riley plays

Yup, that’s us.

You’re probably wondering how we ended up in this situation. Our expectations were certainly not quixotic in nature. Training had been sharp. Club captain Rogan, whose attempted coup to oust 1st XV captain Joe Caravan had been uncovered earlier that week, avoided past errors by not mixing up Cobham with Chobham. Arriving at the correct location, Alex Spicer successfully freed his car from the staff car park. And all about the Cobham away changing-room was a spirited air of relaxed confidence. The warm-up was focused, and with jerseys donned and final words enunciated, battle commenced.

However, as in weeks past, Hammers once again succumbed to the cacoethes of starting poorly. Immediately from the kick-off, we began to give ground and conceded penalties and unforced errors galore. Firmly with possession, a zealous Cobham attack met a sluggish Hammers defence, and within a few short phases and against all vaticinations, it was Cobham that crossed the whitewash first. 5-0 to Cobham.

General Jacko wasted no words in galvanising the squad, and immediately from the restart, this author can report he wiped out the Cobham second row who caught the ball. This author, however, is far less proud to report that he did so while that Cobham player was still airborne. The referee, Laodicean to calls for some cheese to be branded, nonetheless awarded Cobham the penalty and Hammers found themselves back within our own 22. Within a few more phases, Cobham once again crossed the whitewash. 12-0 to Cobham.

After a long back-and-forth with both sides having good chances, Hammers appeared to finally settle into the game. However, our woes would only increase in the lead up to half-time. A short and high-box kick put up by Cobham caused confusion and consternation among Hammers’ ranks. With no clear communication, Cobham seized their opportunity and broke down the disarrayed defence with a series of offloads. The scoreline at halftime read 19-0.

Fast forward

So that’s how we got here. They say history doesn’t repeat itself but it sure does rhyme and it was not hard to draw parallels between our situation and our match against Horsham the week before. Though as great men have said, ‘winning teams win’ (Joe Caravan 2021, Abraham Lincoln 1865.) Even against such a deficit, Hammers were not out yet, and with hearts and minds clamouring for battle and for blood, sweat and tears past not to be shed in vain, eighteen men once again took the field.

The Hammers response was ferocious. With succinct and concise phase play, Hammers broke into the Cobham 22. After some heavy forwards carrying, the ball found itself wide where it was juggled between James Lo and Joe Caravan over the try line before Harry Scarr dealt the decisive blow. Within minutes, Rich Vaughan, like a bolt of Zeus’ wrath across the night sky, blew down the centre of the Cobham defence to dive down between the sticks. James Lo soon followed his example and bearing a youth and pace far before his years, crashed over the line to even the scores. Not long after, Tim ‘le Snac’ Russell, already rumoured to be the subject of Taylor Swift’s next album, powered through the would-be Cobham defence to put Hammers ahead by 7. Hammers were finally in control at 26-19.

Then disaster struck. With ten to go, Harry Scarr collided head-first with an opposition player and despite claims of lactose intolerance, the referee handed him the cheese, removing him from the rest of the game. Down to 14, Ed Wynne finally got to live his dream as he moved into the second row, forcing Zander Stephens to drastically rethink our lineout jumping options. Five metres out, Cobham mauled but were halted. The Hammers defence was tested by wave after wave of relentless offence until finally, our opponents broke through. With six to go, the scores were level at 26-26.

A draw was no better than a loss, both were unacceptable. No matter the odds, no matter the challenge. Having reclaimed possession off the kick-off, the forwards threw everything on the line. Phase after phase, carry after carry. Gradually, Hammers worked their way up the pitch. Into the 22. Another yard, a metre, an inch. The clock ticked into the red. Time was up. This was the last play. Metre after metre until at last, we entered their 5. There could be no mistake, no error, no getting held up. And then the opening came. Having sucked in their defenders just enough, the ball was whipped out to Bryce Morgan who ran a line so piercing it could have cut diamond. With captain Caravan adding the extras, Hammers were victorious 33-26.